Much too pretty to be a hobo

I was in New York during the winter, dressed for the snow, it was like a scene on a movie, I was walking on fifth avenue, looking at the windows of the various stores that populated the streets. Nothing seemed to interest me much until I saw a hobo, he was dressed in gray and I thought too young to be one. He had dark wavy hair and brown eyes, he had a shopping basket not a cart, and he sat on a bench. I walked towards him and stared, he didn’t fit the picture of a hobo, he was too young and attractive to be one! I walked into a grocery store and bought him a can of greenbeans, I walked back to him and put it in his basket, he smiled and nodded. I sat next to him and watched the snow settle on the streets, on top of a child’s hair, on the nose of a dog, on the hobo’s hand, I thought it strange to stay but I wanted to know what he did, maybe he was a scam. But nothing happened, he cracked his fingers and I walked away.

Peter Pan?

My biggest fantasy has been to be able to fly, there is something so free about flying, maybe if we were able to fly we would want to walk. Black and white is the color scheme for this dream, I was looking outside my window in my old Mexican house, when I flew out the window and felt the sunshine on my back, I turned to see the sun but found it was so bright it was almost blinding. I flew over some trees, they were mature and full of dark green leaves, I could see the ground and where the light reached down I could make out the darkness of the earthy floor. I switched to jumping from tree to tree and I heard someone whisper that there was a girl that could fly, she jumped from tree to tree and had run away from home. I thought it was me and decided to fly faster, I was going so fast the trees became a blur, the wind forced my eyes closed and my arms to fight back against the pressure of it, I heard a soft piano and slowed down, I found a huge jacaranda tree, the leaves were a lavender purple and it was the only colour I could see, I stopped to sit on a branch and smell the fragrance of the flowers, I looked straight ahead and saw an endless sea of trees, people were walking in the park, they were eating ice cream cones and they walked like it was a Sunday afternoon after Church, I thought that was a nice picture and rested against the branch of my tree.

Red flowers and a green labyrynth

This dream isn’t as clear as the others, my vision is actually sort of blurry at times and can be compared to that of an impressionist painting. Even the colors, the soft greens, whites and small flowers of red are present. I lived in Mexico City, but the streets weren’t as congested as they are today, it was more of the old Mexico of the seventies. I could see a house covered in green vegetation, the kind of vines that grow in walls and full green trees associated with affluence. The house wasn’t very visible but I knew it was opulent and expensive, I think it held a similar model to the one of my infancy. Leading to the house was this sort of labyrinth of walls covered in moss and vines, it was a pretty green the kind that reminds you of Irish land, the trees covered the sunlight and the day was warm. I walked in this garden and I was wearing an equestrian outfit minus the jacket and helmet, my shirt was a light blue and sleeveless, I walked with another person that I didn’t know, he was showing me the garden, telling me how to look for the orange red flowers that spread throughout the walls, I seemed content to roam about and waste time. I reached the end of the property and there was no gate, the walls ended in an open street, and there were pedestrians in the sidewalks. I noticed a small silver car, and felt like it was mine. I drove with hardly any cars around me and stopped at what seemed to be my school but I couldn’t determine what kind of grade I was in. I spotted my sister and there was a crowd around her, she seemed agitated and I walked towards her and asked her what happened. She told me that we could only take one person in the trunk of the car, and that one person would be saved from some sort of catastrophic event that was about to happen. I looked into the crowd and noticed there wasn’t anyone I cared for, all where really inconsequential people I had seen, strangers. I told my sister to chose but she said that she couldn’t decide, a boy tried to jump in the trunk and at once realized how desperate that seemed. He looked ashamed. I didn’t know who to choose, how could I choose a person that I didn’t know? I began to worry that if we didn’t decide they could try to take over the car and we would be left behind, so I randomly pointed and a white kid walked to the trunk and sat in. My sister and I drove back to the house and walked in the garden, we found that some people we knew where having a tea party, after we joined them we heard an explosion outside the property. I thought about the red flowers and sipped my tea.

Blue Van

I was in an old blue van, my mother was driving and I was in the back seat. We were parked in a small hill where only the front tires were elevated and the back tires touched the concrete. My mother had some sort of business to attend to and I was left in the car, the sun gently lighted the inside of the van, there was no need to open the windows because the temperature felt perfect inside the van, I sat and waited. There was really nothing outside, I could actually see myself from the outside and that seems to happen frequently in my dreams. I slouched in a comfortable position and crossed my arms, a few minutes seemed to pass when the van started moving backwards. I didn’t seem to mind and just looked outside, there was no panic. I could feel the van move without much control, aimlessly in the streets, I decided to move to the front seat to have a better look at the streets and sat on the driver’s side. There was the usual influx of cars but I didn’t know what time of the day it was, the light outside kept changing from bright to almost nonexistent. Once I was tired of going about I turned the wheel and turned the van off, I moved to the back seat and waited for my mother.

A toilet, a funeral, and a glass of whisky

This dream had the look of an old movie based on some northern beach, except it was summer and the weather was pleasant. I could smell the salty air and the wind was just a light breeze. My mother was in it, she had cut her hair very short and let her original color of blond grow out again. I was younger in my dream maybe twelve, we were going to the beach and for some reason I had very young friends, maybe they were my sister's friends or my cousins, I cant remember. Anyway we were headed for the beach with our white and blue striped towels, there were rocks surrounding the beach area where we were going, and you had to enter through a stand that was covered in a roof of old wood, we had to pay before we could get in and there were some people in line waiting for the cashier. I felt I really had to go to the bathroom so I left the line for the restroom, once I entered I thought I had gone in the showers because there were people in their bathing suits standing under shower heads placed on both sides of the room and I felt really odd. I tried to go through the middle of the room looking for the restrooms, and I found a toilet, there was water splashing everywhere because the people were washing the sand and salt off of them, and the toilet was very clean and uncovered, there was no stall and I looked around and found another four toilets like it. The toilet paper next to the toilets was not wet, it was perfectly dry and I thought that was strange. I was very apprehensive because I needed to go really bad and I couldn't go in front of everyone. Then I noticed there was a curtain next to a pole near the toilet and before I could pull it to give me some cover a little blond skinny girl came over and punched me in the stomach! I was surprised and thought it was disrespectful since I didn't even know her, so I grabbed her by the arm and gave her a light slap on the face (hahaha), she ran to her mom who was near and told her I had slapped her, and her mom took her and told her "well, you shouldn't be hitting people you don't know, especially if they're going to go to the bathroom." I wanted to get out of there before I got in trouble so I walked outside and all of the sudden I was in a car with four girls, I was back to my normal age, we where driving in the highway and we were coming in a neighborhood, the girl that was driving had dark brown hair, it was very long and she was telling us she was going to show us what her future house was going to look like. The other girls were all giggling and I got the feeling that we were all friends, the day was really sunny and it gave a pleasant light inside the car. We drove past huge houses, they were all very pretty and and very high on the ground, it was almost like they all had their own small hill. We were going really fast and eventually went back into the highway, the girl was disappointed we had left so fast and she promised that once we were back from the funeral we were going to go back the same way so we could see her house again. We stopped at a house that had no front wall, it was literally an open house, it looked very antiquated inside and even with no front wall the inside was quite dark, I went into the living room and sat next to a small cocktail bar, someone offered me a whisky and I took it. I sat and just watched people going about, they were all dressed in black, and there was a small group seated across from me on the other side of the room. They seemed to be gossiping about someone but I couldnt really tell. I looked to my left and saw a table made out of ivory and glass, there was a very small piano sitting on top of it, it looked like a decoration, and there was a young man playing it. I cant remember what he played but I think I was amazed since he sounded so good and yet the keys were so miniscule for his fingers! Once he stopped playing I went over to the piano, I thought it was fairly simple to play but decided against it, somehow I felt like it was all the guy had left. I went back to my couch and drank the whisky, it was just a pleasant nonchalant kind of drinking, that's when the knocking on the door woke me.

chacawuawua

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Alright, this dream is not as great as the last one but afterall this is the place for dreams. I was standing in a metro bench, the place where you wait for the bus and it was night, the street and car lights illuminated the street. I was wearing normal clothes and I didnt feel like I was waiting I was just sitting there. There was fat black lady sitting next to me and she was wearing old black lady church clothes, they were very bright pink and she was waiting for the bus. The buses kept coming but she wouldnt get on any of them, I really couldnt see anything other than cars pass by really fast, the lights of the street poles flickered and when i looked at one it relfelcted my image, sort of like a very shiny metal. I could see my i mage looking at myself. I stood up and started to walk, the lady just sat there. She didnt leave, she kept waiting or maybe she was just sitting there and not moving. She reminded me of an old dog or a really big lazy frog, the kind of animal that doesnt move and does not want to be disturbed. I wondered why she hadnt moved, in my dream a considerable amount of time had elapsed, perhaps it felt like thirty minutes. I resolved to pass back and forth infront of her, maybe I could get her to do something. But I dindt have an urgency in making her move, it was more out of curiosity to see what she said, if she would tell me "child! stop bothering me!" She just rested, and i finally sat with her, we waited till tehre were no cars, the lights had stopped flashing, we were tehre sitting in silence. I remember feeling like this was a moment for a great epiphany, maybe this lady was sent to me in order to realize something important, something worthwhile. Instead we waited for dawn to come, i felt the houston climate in my skin, the humidity of the morning, i could see the moisture collect on the edges of the pieces of paper laying at my feet, they were loosing their perfect rectangular shape and bending inwards. There were thousands of sheets of paper in teh ground, i tried to take one and see if anything was written in, but they were all blank. it was like someone had dumped their recycling in teh street, the lady took no notice of them, and i wanted to walk, everytime i took a step my legs caused a small whirpool of paper and but at the time i thought that was normal. I walked some more, and since nothing was happening I remembered thinking "how boring is this dream" i was exasperated that nothing cool had happened and thats when i remember waking up, bundled in my covers, this time my arms were slightly detached from my sides.

Mes reves

Et bien, it's decided that this shall be the journal of dreams.

My Dream

Im not exactly sure what the first part of it was, but I remember that DZ, her sis, and me and a kid I had just met and was my friend had gone to a mall, and we had spent the afternoon window shopping or something, later the day was sunny, the sky was clear, and my view was slightly tinted yellow, we got into dzs van, and I sat in the middle of the back seat, her sister was in the front and my friend was in the back with me. He was just a child, maybe 10 yrs old, he had dark brown hair, he wore pants and a jacket, sort of like an old newspaper boy. We were going, I presume to dz’s house and she turned the car on, we moved a few feet before I said something funny that caused dz to laugh uncontrollably, and all of the sudden I had two bags of plastic, one with sodas and the other one with food, she was laughing so hard that she put her head down and lost control of the car, we were going down a residential area, sort of like the one in grandlakes except heading to a big lake separated by a small stretch of land and sidewalk, we were going fast, and for some reason we couldn’t stop the car, we knew that we were going to go right into the lake if we didn’t get control of the car, and I tried to steer the wheel but I knew if I tried to turn we would just turn over and into the lake, so I said really loud “open your windows”, that way we could swim out of them if the car submerged. I grabbed my friend and told him to brace for impact, all of us were expecting it, but for some reason the car sort of jumped over the lake, and instead we ended in a “island in the middle of the lake that had a huge house, it was brown and looked old fashioned, we didn’t have much road to stop, there was no way we could brake and avoid hitting the house straight on, the amazement that we hadn’t gone in the lake left us dumbfounded and I tried once again from the back to steer or try to brake, it really felt like an actual accident, time seems to move slower, adrenaline takes over and every sense is attuned to whats going to happen, we crashed into the front part of the house and it started to desintegrate, I could hear the wood breaking, I pushed my friend out of the car and tried to get Erica out of the front seat, but the bags were holding me back, all I could do was reach out w/my arms and watch the crash end. The car had gone half way into the house, the day was still clear, dz opened erica’s door and took her out, I just lay there exhausted. finally I went out and I remembered feeling guilty or responsible for the crash, but still amazed that the car hadn’t gone in the water, it was bizarre, I looked around and the house was still standing, a nurse had come out and was talking to dz, my friend just stood there nonchalantly, I looked around and the ground was pure grass, it yellow, and at some parts it was very dry, it sort of looked like the color of wheat, but it was nicely cut. There were a few young trees, it looked very residential, except there was just one house there. The nurse invited us in and from then on it was just my friend and I, the house had 4 floors, it was nicely decorated but smelled like a nursing home, the wood was painted dark brown, it sort of looked like an English cottage, there were so many people in there, but it didn’t feel crowded, each had their own room, I cant remember why I stayed, maybe it was to pay for the damages or bc I felt guilty, but I climbed the stairs to the highest part of the house, it was where all the semi-young people lived, they were all quadriplegics, the air smelled of feces and medicine, like a bad attempt at cleaning had been made, it was dark, the walls were very white, I looked around and it was a collection of rooms, each with its own patient and nurse, I walked into one, they had a therapy pool, it wasn’t very big, moderate in size, there were three men in there, all young and sad, the nurse told me to help her and I just jumped in the water, one of the men sat on a wooden table, it was attached to his legs, I could feel the freedom he had in the water restricted by the wood, we talked about a surgery he was scheduled for and he would be able to have a chance at moving his legs, normal sex life, and control of his sphincter, “itll give me back some dignity you know? Im tired of being cleaned by nurses, of being helpless” I could see the emotion in his eyes, it was overwhelming, I looked out the window that was on level with the pool, light was shining trhough, but it didn’t feel natural, it was very bright and white, I helped the nurse put the man in a wheelchair and we left. As soon as I stepped out of the pool room the stench hit me, I couldn’t breathe, there was an old man who had just defecated and a nurse that was trying to get him to the bathroom, I ran out of the room holding my sweater/jacket to my nose, and dodging the helpless stares of the old guy, he looked dead, I hoped the guy’s surgery was succesful, my heart was pounding & I needed to get away, I could see myself running out of the room, it was like a camera on the bottom corner of the doorway. Once I got out, I rushed past a French door that led me outside, the wind was blowing, my jacked moved along w/it, and I looked at the most incredible yellow colored fields, they were like very small hills with no trees, it was like a scenic view on a movie, I was in awe, even thou the grass wasn’t green it was still breathtaking, I was standing at the highest point of the land and there was a fence two feet tall on my side but had a ten feet drop on the other, it was the property line of the house, I contemplated jumping over it and I saw my friend, he was yelling from the other side, telling me he had something really cool to show me, he kept telling me jump, jump, I wanted to, but for some reason I knew it was wrong or not allowed, I decided to do it anyway and as I was getting over to the other side, I saw my MaNydia, she looked like she was 30, she had on a dress that I had seen on a picture, her hair looked very black, her skin was flawless, she walked with a hurry and power I had once known, I yelled at my friend “you see that lady there!? She was my great grandma, look she looks like she did when she was young!” my friend saw her and I felt very casual, watching her walk across the sidewalk, I didn’t feel sad that I had seen her, maybe I can say I felt happy to see her young and happy again. I climbed over the fence and I found myself next to my friend, he took my hand and we ran until we reached what looked like a huge pit at first but it was actually some sort of an ancient greek theater except that instead of being made of cut stones it was gravel. it was impressive, my friend walked along the edge of it, and we finally climbed down to the lowest part where the stage would be, the gravel gave way at our steps, it was a combination of colours – terracotta, white, and gray. My friend said, “isn’t it amazing what these people could build!?” he was touching the gravel with his hands. The theater had an inclining wall next to where the stage would be, and it was where the emperor would sit, we decided to climb and my friend told me of how only men where allowed to participate and such, as we climbed the wall he told me that when the emperor got mad, he could have you killed by drenching you with hot oil and you would never know it was coming bc the theater had secret compartments that would be operated to kill at command, as if to demonstrate we climbed to the steepest part of the wall, there were two stones on each side of a dark stone, my friend told me to grab onto a rope that was hanging down from my side, and the dark stone opened and a scalding liquid poured out for a few seconds, the stones covered us from it, but you could feel the heat in the rocks and gravel, when it was over my friend said “see, just like that and an unsuspecting person would be done for” We climbed to the top and looked at the fields on the side of the wall, they were so green, and the grass looked so soft, my view still had a yellow tint to it but it was beautiful, we sat on the edge of the wall and looked at the grass. Time passed and it felt like an afternoon, I felt that if we stared at it too long it would disappear so we went back to the fence where we had climbed, and walked back to the front of the house, the van was gone and the house looked the same. we just walked around the perimeter of the island, we couldn’t see past a certain point bc of all the fog, and I thought it strange since there were no clouds above, and the sky was so clear. We sat on the very edge of the island and I noticed that the lake had very clear water, and the bottom of it was made of small pebbles. I put my hand in and felt the cool touch of the water. We sat there for what seemed like a very long time, I was remembering what the fields looked like and thought the house was like a prison, taunting the residents with the freedom of the fields, the fresh air, and the open sky.

Hmm, I wish I could draw some scenes from my dream, arg it sucks not being able to draw.

dans la nuit

Je me sens distant.

Soyez calme
Attende mois
Jai besoin de temps
pour decrouvire
toutte ce que j'ai
toutte que je te peux donner

tu peux parler de l'amour et doucer ma vie
tu peux m'enseigner,

prendre une promenade lente par le parc
essayer de courir si rapidement
oublies le temps et sa vélocité
Freiner le rythme, et aller très lent


gosh that sucks so much, hahaha, i think swope would have a heart attack, le pauvre