chacawuawua

Click Click Click

2010-02-07T11:10:00.005-09:30

My skin is dry and living without lotion for so long has made me complacent. Now that I have it I forget to use it and my hands look like parched deserts.

There is a bike I want to acquire but so far I have not heard from the owner and that makes me sad. My front tire seems to always deflate along the course of the day, sure it's also because it takes the most shock traveling on patchy concrete and such but it was making a really strange sound and I realized that it was pretty deflated. It's sort of terrifying to think that it could blow in the middle of my journey and then I'd be left stranded. My rommie never charges/answers the phone so walking to the nearest bus stop would be my only recourse. I've hitchhiked before but with a bike I don't know that I would want to try.

The semester is almost over and it just started. Only around two and a half months left. I thought I had plenty of time for school but sheesh, you wouldn't think that forty hours wasn't plenty for seven of school work. It's not. hahaha.

It seems that I often worry about the implications of diabetes and depression, and of course now I know you are more susceptible to getting vascular dementia and it makes sense because of the high blood pressure. But when someone you love falls in that category, It's scary.

I dress like a hobo and while it didn't matter much to me a few years ago, now that I am seen by a lot of people around the office I have started to imagine that there are two possible things they could be thinking about me, and while I want to say I don't give a peanut, I think I do.

1. lesbian. Yes you heard right. Now, I love the gays, but I am uneasy with lesbians. That's pretty freaky. I wear the same pants every day, I only have four different shirts. And there's this girl that I always see but run into awkwardly and I never say hi nor does she. Is this normal? I wouldn't care but she makes me uncomfortable. I wish I could shop at An taylor and banana republic, but it's a luxury rather than a need. Besides the pants work great with a bike, I don't have to wear shorts or lycra or any of that fancy stuff to ride. My sister already told me I looked like one when I wore this shirt so I threw it away. hahaha. dang.

Also, when is the rain going to go away?

Hahaha, there's a girl that looks exactly like my stalker! She is going to look like her in thirty years. It's not pretty.

Rainy

2009-12-07T14:26:00.003-09:30

Today is rainy, gray, humid, slightly cold. Ugly.

My father is drowning, and I am falling as well.
There is a precipice that is near my feet, every time I think I have cleared away from it, I find myself closer. It is haunted, reeks of the past, there is nothing valuable in it.

I wonder how can I escape?
I thought I was far away, and I always fall in again. I think I just realized that I am forever tied and it's depressing.

I wish I could go

Blurry

2009-07-19T18:33:00.004-09:30

Reading makes my eyes blurry. Coffee makes my metabolism fast. The cold makes me uncomfortable. Bureaucrats make me irritated.

Smart people make laugh and think. Strangers make me wonder. An office makes me feel important. An opportunity makes me hopeful.

------------------------------------------------------

Rain!? Please come back. It's been really hot this summer I don't have the recollection of it being this hot last summer, and I was outside a lot! I managed to bike to work, it was quite pleasant on a long street but turned sort of sour near the end, as the streets turned curvy and I didn't feel very safe I started riding on the sidewalk. Big mistake. My tires took a beating from all the uneven path, by the time I got there I just had enough air to make it. Biking is really fun but when I go home and read about killed cyclists I get paranoid and scared. My family actually does not want me to do it, I have apprehensions as well but then I start to think about fear stopping me and I get on the bike anyway. Now, it would be perfect if I could have a shower at my other job, that would be ideal.

I'm tired and fighting it. Good night.

Hopefully

2009-04-22T17:08:00.002-09:30

I hope to visit my city of origin in august, there have been some talks about staying with "family" something I refuse and do not want. Hotels near anything of interest are actually not that bad and if the economy stays as it is then perfect because the dollar outweighs the peso.

Work is getting bigger, expanding and I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Days are busier for everyone not very sure that affects the big boss except in his pockets.

Im getting scared.

My new internship is pretty nice so far, the only thing I abhor is dealing with bureaucracy. And now that I am half a bureaucrat I feel strange. People work these government jobs to half of their capacity, most of them do the least amount of work they can, take as many breaks as possible, and to top it off leave at least 20 minutes early. And yes, they are mostly black.

Grizzly Bear is becoming too popular for my liking, yes that is bad because as I try to save money to see them and a couple of other bands the populace will buy them and there wont be any tickets left by the time I get the funds!

-----

I enjoy being silent. Walking with headphones cancels unnecessary noise and from time to time I can listen to other people's musings.

Lifshitz

2009-03-18T16:13:00.003-09:30

I think at one time I was not concerned with having little to do outside of work, but I think all this isolation is becoming quite strange. I feel like a ghost sometimes.

I've been working more than usual, as it stands the recession is not helping out my economic state. That and my obsession with a bike is causing some trouble.

I am growing more afraid with each day, but I find nothing I can do to change. Very strange to move around and go nowhere.

city

2009-02-04T13:51:00.002-09:30

I sneaked in to breakfast at a certain hotel downtown, it was pretty nice. They had fruit, yogurt, and coffee. Not as hard as I thought it would be but still after the first ten minutes the apprehension was gone and I could watch the news.

It's been cold these past weeks colder than usual but it's ok as long as I'm not sweating as I walk I don't mind.

I saw a bum with no shoes, he was picking up McDonalds glasses from the trash I knew he wanted a drink but didn't want to directly offer so I just left mine on top of a seat and walked to the corner. I turned back to wait for the bus and there he was with no shoes siting next to the wall sipping blue powerade. I don't know how it's possible to live in filth and hunger everyday but I hope I never go down that road.

An exciting game approaches, Mexico vs USA. I am apprehensive because I know we are going to lose, 3-0 is my prediction. We have no team, a bunch of no name foreigners who pass as Mexicans, a coach that has his head stuck in his butt, a goalie that is not retired and clearly does not know how to play (Sanchez), and no creative element. Cuactehmoc please come back! Is it sad that a team depends on a single player? sure, but I think it's sadder that Mexicans keep worshiping the foreign instead of what they have at home. And it's in all ways of life, foreign coaches, players, music, food, on and on. I'll just say that if we don't make it to the World Cup then fuck them, I'll be American and Brasilian for South Africa.

Oh yes, and Metro has some new buses out there, hybrids that are massive. There's more space between seats, the windows seem larger but made out of plastic I think, and they're noisier. I just wish nice buses were available in areas where they use mass transit all the time, like in the poor areas I suppose. They're the ones financing metro like lines 42, 77, 52, 30, etc etc.

I leave you with this,
eat ten spicy guacamole pringles
buy a thermos nissan
and cut HISD into four.

Olha

2008-12-24T18:04:00.003-09:30

While listening to my current favorite song of the moment and waiting for the metro, I think I helped save a man's life. Now, it's ok to boast when you're relatively anonymous, I didn't even tell anyone I know. He was a man walking back from a Jack in the box, when all of the sudden he collapsed turned over on his stomach tried to get up and didn't move. The people that saw it say that's how it happened, I was much too busy contemplating something else when I realized what people were gawking at. I've heard stories of people acting like they're sick only to rob the good Samaritan that stops to help them, but when I realized that they were looking at an unconscious man on the floor and not doing anything to help him, I had to do something.
I always figured that if I were to be in such situation I would know how to act on instinct, the truth is that it's not always how you imagine the scene to be. I remembered my old health teacher, secure the scene before you approach to help, check. Tell them you're there to help them, check.
ABC, check. Suffice to say that it seemed to happen fast but at the same time in slow motion, and I was very disappointed people didn't react faster. Somebody ended calling the authorities to help and eventually the ambulance got there, but would he have died like a vagrant dog? Alone on the street with people looking at him? I dunno, I would like to think that the nurse I saw nearby would have come to his aid soon enough, that someone would have done something. Even just hold his hand.
We were lucky I suppose that my bus was late, because ten minutes earlier I would've been on my way to work.
-----------------------------------------------------

Anyhoo, from wondering about youtube I found a Brasilian soap opera, Paraiso tropical, and the song Olha. The guy on there isn't too shabby either. And I couldn't believe the girl was thirty six years old! Also some of the scenes are so corny but cute and enthralling at the same time. Hahaha, especially since some of them involve one of them being on a bus and spotting each other when looking out the window, the bus driver wont stop the bus so he or she can get off, and thus hilarity ensues. They say something along the lines of "The love of my life is outside! I need to get off the bus, please!" hehe.

I leave you with this,
Merry Christmas!

Shakes head

2008-12-18T16:19:00.003-09:30

A bus ride leads to a visit,
Sigh, so after royally screwing any chance I had at succeeding, I felt depressed so I took the bus downtown. It's not very far barely ten minutes and it leaves you in McGowen station, pretty nice. Besides, the bus driver I catch is funny, one time he stopped and left to buy something, haha, nobody said anything of course, it was like Ok, he needs to buy something. He sometimes recognizes me when I'm not looking too scruffy, or maybe he chooses not to see me? hahaha.
Anyhoo, so I get off infront of a church, it's pretty cold outside but not too unbearable. There's lots of students around due to a local institution being located there, I never realized it had so many buildings. I get this urge to check my mail, I was waiting for an important mail, so I go into one of the buildings and there's no one around except for one office. They have a computer lab on the second floor whose door magically opened for me, and there I was the only person in this huge room, checking my mail. After, I went to the bathroom and this lady custodian is getting ready to clean the lab. I was lucky nonetheless.

On which I sort of stole garbage,
So after reading this book about eating garbage from place like starbucks, I decided to do it. I went to a local starbucks, mind you a starbucks in a really nice are of a certain houston street. There was four different sets of pastry trays on which they had stickers that said "discard on wednesday 12/_/08, the date being the following day of my visit. I asked the lady when they put those out, yesterday she said. Awesome. So I returned on weds night, and I kid not, a whole bag of perfectly nice pastries was in there. Of which I ate some, and saved the rest to give out to the bums when I went downtown. I was scared someone was going to call the police so I had to park half a block away. haha.

On which I met a crazy bum,
Bums are part of the bus, especially if you're at certain stations or going to specific places. I was at wheeler station, sitting and doing nothing. An indigent person sits next to me, black and old, he had two gold teeth, and at first I thought it was a pimp. I got scared and was about to leave but then people started coming and sat next to me. He looked at me and said Merry Christmas, I said thank you, Merry Christmas to you too! Well, somehow two sentences turned out to be a conversation of twenty minutes. He lived in Mexico at one point, had a wife but no children, was in the army, and turned to drinking, a cycle of binging and fighting with his wife turned him into a divorced man, then a jobless, and finally indigent. I tried to inspire him, telling him I heard of someone that had fifty year sobriety, people turn their lives around. He heard, but he's too far gone. I hope he went to a shelter when it got really cold.

--------------------------------------------------------

I have been blushing a lot lately, it's weird because I can feel my face get hot, and then I start to perspire. people think it's funny too.

scary

2008-12-09T10:04:00.003-09:30

Today I woke up from one of the most horrible dreams I've had. No one died in my dream, which is usually what I equate to horrible, but I sort of went back to my childhood. The bad part of it.

I was sitting on the couch with my father and sister, we had just had dinner and were about to watch a movie, the light was coming in through a filter, it looked yellow and serene. My sister had stepped on something that had gashed the skin on her heel, I told her to go wash it and that I would sew it after. That's when it happened, for some reason I had asked my father about her, why she had done what she did and why had no one stopped her. I was not angry but rather very depressed sort of like I feel right now. He told me that her husband had left her, I knew that already, she had gone crazy, maybe but no not really it was just the alcohol. I still have a photo of her, maybe from when she was in her twenties. It's her just younger, I don't even know why I keep it. Anyway, in my dream she had supposedly run away from home at an early age, she had a girl when she was around 17, and nobody knew where she was. We sat on the couch as my father told me her story, the tv was still on, flickering. She had returned home afterwards and married in her thirties. He didn't love her, I really don't know why they got married. She went to look for him in the little city where he was from, and I remembered being in the back of a van driving through country side to get to a small town, where she would buy blankets, and leather vests lined with wool. On the way back home my sister and I would sleep on the covers, and I still remember the smell of the leather.
My father had told me, that she had then started drinking which in real life was true. And at some point in his story he told me about how we came to be with her. It's then that I remembered runnig away from her crouching in the corner and she with her white belt standing over me. The volatile way she would behave with my sister, the one aunt that knew about the abuse but did nothing to stop it, outside of shielding us when she would stay with us. She was old anyway, without a home, with no children, sick, and alone.
My father, then told me about the child that she had, a daughter that she sold to some woman, who wanted to sell her to some bastard, already deflowered. This child had also suffered some of the same we had, but her life was much worse in that no one had rescued her. She had gone off into oblivion and God knows where she would be. The options were clear, a maid, a prostitute, an indingent person, or someone else. I asked my father if he knew of her, he said yes, why hadn't he looked for her, to help her. He didn't know. In my dream I was crying because of the pain I felt for her, and then I thought that if maybe I could find her I could somehow make the situation better.
Then I found myself married, I went back in time, to the house I used to live in. I went up the spiral stairs, I looked out of the massive windows at the street I used to stare at, two little girls looked out of a room, and I told them we were going to the movies. Grab your favorite toy I said, the youngest had a teddy bear and the other one a supernintendo, I took them in my arms and carried them downstairs, my husband was waiting and took them to the car. I went back upstairs, determined to inflict the same pain that the kids had faced, onto the woman that called herself their mother. I was ready to even shoot her in the heart and watch her die, I thought about all the horrible things I was going to say, how I was going to leave her to die alone, in her own filth. Then these flashbacks of her talking to a priest, the letter that she had written to my parents, this sermon I heard a while back by this evangelical pastor on hell, and I said out loud I don't believe in redemption. I don't believe in redemption, I don't, I don't.
Before I could go in through her door, I remembered what the Catholic Church says about grace, we can be saved through grace if we acquire it before it's too late, that if we truly repent God has a place for us in heaven. It didn't stop the anger I felt but it made me question what I was about to do, so I left her.
When I woke up, it was hard to reconciliate with that last thought in my dream. I cursed her to hell, and had all of these mixed emotions but had to really ask myself, if I was really willing to accept what Jesus had said about grace. About confession, the last rites, and forgiveness.

When Jesus died on the cross, he had two thieves next to him, one accepted him and asked for forgiveness to which in turn Jesus said,

" In truth I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise" (Luke 24:43)

I don't know why I dreamed about this, and I don't know that I can ever truly forgive or get over it, but it reminded me of the importance of the birth of Jesus. and the importance of faith.

blip blop

2008-11-14T16:47:00.002-09:30

It seems like I can't get enough sleep, by two o'clock my eyes are red and I feel them sting. :(
Also, rain is finally going away, sheesh talk about a very fast way to ruin shoes.

Also, people on the bus never want to sit with anybody and I share that feeling.
Dang, I was going to talk about something interesting but I seem to have forgotten everything.

I leave you with this,

Sarah Palin did not know that Africa was a continent and not a country. hahaha. Apparently she
couldn't understand that within Africa, which btw is a huge piece of landmass, there were several different countries. That, is scary.

Eh bien

2008-10-27T17:18:00.004-09:30

Due to the fear of being kidnapped,or robbed in plain daylight, there will be another influx of upper middle class Mexicans returning to the US. My uncle and aunt, par example, living in a "suburb" it's forty minutes from D.F. but nevertheless close enough to feel insecure. They have two young children, the little girl is a carbon copy of her mother, uncanny. I secretly make fun of my uncle because the little boy looks nothing like him, I mean there's not one trace of him. teehee. no disrespect to my aunt. hahaha.

The big Nov. 4 is drawing near, I'm still uncertain of my vote, I just hope the Congress gets a democratic majority at least that way republicans can't keep blocking useful things like CHIP and unemployment benefits. I have no confidence in Biden, he eats out of the hand of credit card companies. sleazy old bastard. As far as the other one goes, I find it deplorable he had not been out of the country in official business other than his big Euro tour. Not even to Latin America! His sister is campaigning for the Latino vote, I'm pretty sure he has it because most of them can not stand another republican term, even if Hillary Clinton was the right choice. Sigh :(

Metro is increasing their fare again, I have no idea how really poor people, which are the ones that use metro, are going to afford it.

Hopefully I'll return to playing dress up next week. Im anxious.

Also, my favorite holiday is thanksgiving, all the food and wine, and fambly, and kiwi, and slightly cooler weather, and the cleaning. can not wait.

There's a booksamillion that opened downtown, it is not a b&n of course, I do not think that would be wise due to all the indingents that would sleep on the chairs and just stand around reading. I mean, who wants to let people read!? especially those that have nothing else to do. sheesh. Yeah, I don't think I'll be visiting any time soon, there's no space. But in the same shopping center there will be a Yao Ming restaurant, which I will visit. I like cheap commercial chinese food, at lunch time anyway. Too bad it opens next year.

Ok, I have been trying to find the song by storm x in the movie The King, to no avail. But yes, watch that movie, Gael Garcia Bernal and Pell James.

sigh

2008-10-07T13:31:00.002-09:30

Im getting tired of coming home at seven every day, im too tired to do anything else other than eat and sleep.

Fat people on the bus are disgusting like I said before they should pay double fare. Today there was a humongous fat black man, he was easily over four hundred pounds. The saddest thing is that since he was so fat he needed an electric wheelchair to get around, we were waiting for the same bus and it happened to be a charter bus. Which means there's a small "elevator" that opens from the side and gets people in, but this man being so fat he couldn't even fit within the perimeter of the elevator and even if he had he would've been too fat to lift. I'm sure it would cave under his weight. Shameful.
Then another fat man got on the bus this time he was only close to 250lbs or so, but since the bus was quite full there was no way he could fit in one seat to share an aisle, so he had to ride standing up where the handicapped section is. To top it all off a fat man, this one around 200lbs wanted to share the seat next to me, and when I told him no he got offended. I finally stood up and let him clumsily manouver his obese frame into the window seat. He was mumbling how it was so unfair he couldn't get a seat to himself when I looked at him in disgust and sat with somebody else. The man took over half of my seat. Fucking fatsos.
I have no sympathy for people that let themselves get that fat, before unhealthy food became so available I never heard of someone being addicted to food, or seen so many obese people in one place. Ewww.

dot dot dot

2008-09-30T15:43:00.002-09:30

A lot of bad things have been going on recently, money wise. It's too depressing to discuss so I give some more random things here,

A child today was mesmerized by moi. Hahaha, believe you me he would not stop staring at me and smiling, his mom tried to physically turn his head to her and he looked at her growled and went back to me. hahaha. Weirdest thing that made me smile today.

I like working saturdas because there's free kolaches and ample work and time to get it done. Also the weather has been great.

I dunno why but I am sleep deprived you should see the raccoon eyes that scare people, even myself.

Ive been taking care of Kiwi and even though she was raised to be a savage she is the sweetest neediest cutiest dog. A black daschund that likes to eat grass.

Went to see Dr. Dog the day before Ike, it was awesome.

Will someday try the Shakespear pub, if I can find someone that likes the blues.

Trying to find a bycicle on craigslist is hard.

Enough my rant on the bail out is on the other blog so I will not repeat it here.

I hate that I come here to whine but Im sorry, I don't like to whine in person so here is better.

-Eat fruits and vegetables!

Eeek

2008-08-20T14:02:00.003-09:30

My sister watched that infamous movie of those four aged women play like they're in their twenties.

Why do central americans hate Mexico's futbol? I say because they're jealous and poor. poorer to be exact. haha.

Going to work has become a monotonous; same thing every day. It's not that I don't like my work it's just it' s been three months! And people were exasperated from listening to 90.1 all the time and they have started to take the radio back, which means either the same crappy songs over and over or country. ugh.

I think I felt my skin age as I got another wrinkle on my forehead.

I don't know why but I read the Glass Castle, it made me angry at the parents, and it's sad that there are people that are lazy and unrealistic that see no problem with their children going hungry or being filthy and dressed in rags.

A happy note to end with, my hair doesn't look that bad when humid outside.

Limbo

2008-08-13T12:42:00.003-09:30

Oh man, hahaha, fuck finaid.

------------------------------

I wonder where homeless people go to get cleaned up, there's this bum that I see quite often, well actually every day. He's black and has his hair in small fuzzy things? I don't know what they're called, but from time to time I see him carry his belongings in three huge suitcases, usually around St. Joseph's hospital. He wears a large gray coat mostly in the fall and in the summer shorts, but last time I saw him showered and dressed in clean clothes. He was wearing jeans and a yellow stripped polo, I suppose he suffers from schizophrenia because he talks to himself and hits the "spirits" on his body. Today I saw him in very dirty clothes and he smelled fowl, but he had a cellular and was riding the rail. He seemed lucid.

Then at this starbucks another homeless I see around today looked clean cut, he kept taking the free samples and sleeping in the sofas. From time to time he would walk outside and act like he was looking for someone, I dunno it was strange. Also at another starbucks there's this African bum who smells like B.O X 10, I swear it's awful, he does the same thing except he sits outside. I guess it's hard to fill up your day when you have nothing to do or nowhere to stay.

I finally went to the Co-Cathedral and it is beautiful. Mass went really fast.

Ten days went by so fast.

Oh yeah! I dreamt that El Gordo Molina opened a restaurant and there was a promotion for a free dinner, he was nice and I got to ask him questions and such. The restaurant was in this huge black bus, then since I didn't finish my food I decided to take it home in a brown bag. It was just beans with yellow cheese and some chips, then Martha Stewart was the hostess and she said I was bad mannered, to which I tried to hide it. I walked into a patio garden with old white stones and then into a boat. Yes I have weird dreams.

Wham

2008-08-03T15:55:00.003-09:30

Yeah, the drama of being poor continues.

I seriously will give up if I don't obtain a better living style it's so sad to not rise above your parents' failures and resent them in term for not facilitating your career.

Anyway, as the temperature continues to rise so does my discontent with the current state of my stagnating situation. In terms of employment I have grown more ambitious being exposed to brilliant people at this place I frequent so I am considering searching for better options. Albeit I have no idea where I can find a place so flexible with my schedule, hopefully either something improves or I am given an opportunity somewhere else. I don't want to "jinx" myself so enough about such talk.

There is a lady that has become infatuated with my father, and while I would normally encourage this type of interaction she has become scary. I don't know how many lies she has told or how many times suspicion has risen in the many conversations they seem to have but as long as she provides some sort of entertainment for him I have no problem.

Also, I tried the Arizona green tea lemonade and it tastes the same as starbucks version it is also cheaper at .99 rather than well over three dollars for the same amount. I guess it's not as becoming to sip a from a big 23 oz can than from one of their plastic cups. Oh well.

I don't understand the need of black people to talk "black" it's astounding to listen to the change in their language once they stop talking to other people and huddle with their black friends. Why? Is it some sort of taboo to speak correctly?
I have an abhorrence to such things, as well as the need to butcher any language spoken by the region the person comes from.

Oprah hosted Jeffrey Eugenides in her show, I'm apprehensive to retain my appreciation of Middlesex, I feel it has been tainted by her morbid curiosity of intersex people, the show wasn't about the book it was about intersex persons. People should really read more, and I'm referring to scientific papers or even more science magazines. They wouldn't look as ignorant as they do on TV.

One last thing, Olympics. Since Mexico failed to qualify in the soccer tournament, I shall root for Brazil and Ronnie. I hope he finds the inspiration he needs and returns to being magical. I like how Diego and Rafinha ran away from their club teams to play in the Olympics, haha, awesome!
Oh yeah, enjoy the rain for this week.

Not much

2008-07-31T14:42:00.003-09:30

Been working and walking, currently the recipient of generous rides home. Now if it wasn't for the talking it would be perfect.

About work, oh how mundane it has become. I look forward to Thursdays and the weekend.

Finding study materials for continental Portuguese is hard.

Nip/Tuck is awesome.

I can't wait for it to get cold.

Reading Culture, Medicine, and Psychiatry and some other random articles.

I hate the fucking bums downtown, they should hide in the shelters all day, have you tried to walk in "Main St. square" without being disturbed? I don't even want to know what it's like at nine or ten pm when everyone is gone, scary shit. They need to do something about the pigeons, I don't understand why people feed vermin.

Also Chelsea and Milan this season.

I hate the concacaf. When are the refs going to be able to do their jobs!? It's ridiculous.

Dang

2008-07-03T14:13:00.003-09:30

The carpool has been a welcomed change, I still feel shy thou.

Also I have been eating really unhealthy, I skip breakfast and lunch, and then eat dinner around eight or sometimes nine. People at work might think I'm trying to starve myself hahahaha. Nay, I just don't feel like eating, and the damage has shown in my waistline. And I don't mean in a good way, I'm actually getting fatter because my metabolism has slowed down by eating late. blah, I'm too lazy to get up earlier and exercise to feel hungry enough to eat afterwards, maybe that should be my new goal. Get up early, exercise, eat breakfast, and feel awake when I get to work. Which reminds me I need more sleep, especially when going to the MedCenter, I have to be there at eight. hmmm.

I miss Kiwita, somebody asked me why I loved her so much and I didn't have an answer I just do.
I think it also has to do with my longing for a dog.

Oh yeah, there's crazy people downtown. I was waiting for the light to cross to the rail platform, and a trashy looking white guy walked next to me, I must've looked at him like he was what he was, (I know I'm too judgmental) when I turn around and there's another guy he was wearing a white wife-beater, black dirty shorts, and he had a baby in a cheap looking carrier, it was the kind with only a seat made out of canvas, he was flanked by two girls, he stopped in front of me standing on the street not the sidewalk, shook his baby and said "Look at him, look at him, yeah!" It happened too fast for me to reply, I just looked at his white trash baby, he was asleep, they went inside the Macy's and later when I got on the train I realized the first guy was the one I saw steal the box of perfume, he got arrested later by two cops. So I really wasn't looking at him in a bad way, my subconscious knew he was a thief. haha, maybe.

Anyway, finding findaid sucks. I pray it gets resolved.

sigh ++

2008-06-10T15:41:00.005-09:30

To the petition of substance:

There's a lady I know, she gets on my nerves at times due to her insecurity and what I gather are fibs about her son and finances. I know she seems like a good mother, at least from what I hear and all she does for her family, the baking, the going to concerts, making lunches, etc. I think the reason I disliked her at first was because she mothered me, that bothered me because of all the resentment and weird feelings I have for my mother, and it made me act in a way that I didn't like. I was a bit rude, and indifferent, but now, I have tapered and even if she gets to me sometimes I no longer fall prey to such behavior. I still feel weird when people ask or make comments about one of my parents, because in reality she hasn't been and will no longer be that anymore. Like when someone asked me what are you getting for mother's day, I hesitated so long and must've looked uncomfortable it was awkward, even after the nervous laughter. This is the first year that my father didn't bother me about May 10, and i suppose it's sad and strange I have no attachment to any of them. I think once I lied to myself that I had forgiven, but from time to time I struggle and my anger stems from the hurt caused to my sister. What is that sentiment of kind of knowing and remembering something I felt briefly?

Mostly I like songs for certain parts of them.

The rain today cooled the day, if you had stood in the shade and felt the slight breeze.

I still need scrubs, the store closes at five.

Headache

2008-06-08T14:37:00.002-09:30

So very tired because my sleep schedule is so disrupted, last night I fell asleep sometime around four, and even though I had nothing to wake up to, my body managed to wake around nine. Truly upsetting since I haven't been able to fall asleep since, and I'm getting a headache. Blah.

Mexico had a shameful loss to Argentina, 4-1. It was awful that I decided to stop watching, this hasn't happened very frequently, it was just bad. We have a new coach that's supposed to make a team out of these losers, the thing is he knows nothing about Mexican football, you should've seen his face, like oh non what did I get myself into. The funniest thing was that he kept writing notes after every Argentinian goal, haha.

Portugal won their first game, I didn't see much beautiful game, Ronaldo I think was well marked, he almost scored with a free kick. I just want Poland to make the next round, losing 2-0 to Germania is not that bad, and why do I like Poland? Because they have an awesome coach, Benhakker and Pope John Paul II was Polish, teehee.

I need to buy scrubs but the only place I know is in a mall far away, Im not sure if the store remains open.

none + extended

2008-06-05T15:00:00.003-09:30

Oh mon Dieu, the sun burns us!

Drink Sweet Leaf tea.

I can't wait for Saturday, it shall be fun, even with the rain and the muggy weather.

----------------------------

My uncle Fernando Rafael Castañeda Sabido, fue designado director de la Facultad de Ciencias Políticas y Sociales de la Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México (UNAM). Congratulations!

For those of you who do not speak Spanish, he's the new president of political and social sciences faculty for the biggest university in Mexico, that is truly remarkable.

----------------------------------

This past third of June marked another year MaNydia is gone, I can't tell you how much I miss her.

very relaxed

2008-05-25T15:05:00.003-09:30

This past week has been very relaxing, I am dreading going back to work, blah, and the prying questions soon to follow.

I hope my finaid gets fixed, otherwise Im screwed.

Also, I discovered the genius of Loren Eisley.

ManU won the premier, and the Champions!! whoa. All I can say is good for your C. Ronaldo, hopefully he's not too tired to perform in the Eurocup; and I can't believe he missed another penalty, again when the team most needs it. That sucks for John Terry, an emblem of his team to disappoint like that, and by slipping on wet grass.

The USA is playing against England sometime this week, go US!

Im excited about June 2nd, but also nervous hopefully I learn a lot.

Also does anyone know a good place for drinks? nothing too fancy thou

none+++++

2008-04-24T15:21:00.003-09:30

While waiting I saw a couple of prostitutes, it's astounding to hear that twenty dollars will do the trick. I can't imagine how that's a fair price, but needless to say these women are people too. We were all eating at this nondescript fast food joint I can't remember how we got to talking, but it was cool. They gave me good advice, stay in school child.

Stressful weeks are to come, Im trying to get my shit together with little time and no money.

Oh my gosh, I hate the sun, it burns my skin. Im considering carrying around an umbrella but Im not sure if I can handle the stares.

Oh yeah, don't drink caffeine if you're going to be exposed to the sun, apparently UV rays work best with it.

Also, I can't believe Cristiano Ronaldo missed that penalty. I knew he was nervous, you could tell he looked extremely nervous while he was warming up, exhaling and trying to calm himself. ManU got off to a good start but after he missed that penalty which would have won the game, the team disappeared and morphed into an eleven-man defense. Im surprised Barcelona didn't score with so many opportunities. The Mexican in me was telling me I should be rooting for Barca but really, Marquez is a dirty bitch, Im glad he's suspended for the next match. I just hope ManU can come back big, I mean at least make more than one play. It's up to C. Ronaldo I think, I really don't know if he can get inspired.

None +++++

2008-04-09T06:49:00.002-09:30

Well, it has been hot and humid for the past few days, and of course that means that my hair looks like well, like I don't brush it. haha. I hate the humidity, it always makes my hair all crazy.

Also, I finally go to see the lion, lioness, and the tiger at the zoo, not very exciting since they were sleeping and the lion I thought seemed small. Not very fat I must say. Also the tiger, as all animals hid behind some bushes most of the time; the most exciting part was looking at this orangutan in the eyes, which left me thinking that I would kill myself if I were him.

Also, I played with my binoculars, and saw lots of cool birds.

Finally, I'm glad Arsenal lost to liverpool, I hate Arsenal it's like the "cool" team to like, I don't like Liverpool either but better Masccerano than that mean goalie of arsenal's. Manchester tied in the premier with some nondescript team, how very weird they looked nothing like their previous game. Hopefully they win the title, and Im happy for Chelsea they won their champions match too!

-

I love Kiwi.

Shaesh

2008-04-04T12:09:00.003-09:30

Lordy, it is so very hard to get aid for school, my application has been chosen for the infamous "review," apparently one has a 50:50 chance of being chosen, and if you are it is hell. Now I must gather everything I have in order to get it reviewed. Dagnabit.

Also - I have been very rude in the past by avoiding eye contact with my stalker, in hopes that it will somehow deter the obsession, however, hahaha, it hasn't and it only lefts me feeling like a bitch. I mean, what kind of person tries to ignore another by not looking at them, answering yes/no to questions meant to prove into personal life, and runs away whenever the chance arises. Me. But what am I supposed to do? Let this person try to be my mother/mother in law? Im not a kid, I don't need a mother, and Im not the greatest out there either, she should choose someone more worthy of admiration. like, this other dude, he has a phd and works very hard, he's also super smart and has that old-guy cuteness.

Blah.

Je suis tres fatiguee? fatigue? ++

2008-04-02T16:02:00.005-09:30

Blah, why am I so tired?

Things I strongly, borderline hate:
- a fifty year old woman that stares at me at my job
- people that throw trash on the street, especially when there's a trashcan a foot away, I'm not kidding people it's a foot away.
- workers that stare at you when you walk by. Porque?

Things I like:
- Old people that like to teach you something
- kids that smile at you for no reason
- reading soccer magazines
- Kiwi!

Je suis tres fatigue

2008-03-22T17:20:00.003-09:30

Et inquiétée. c'est à cause de mon travail, et j'ai peure que c'est ma faute. whaaaaaaa. effrayée que j'ai comis une erreur. blah.

Oh and I knew santiago fernandez sucked but not this much, how does the &$^% miss five goal chances!? one in which the goal is wide open, with no goalie!? Travesty!
Suffice to say Placide is now one of my favourite players and I have a sort of tender respect for Haiti's under-23 squad. awww.

Anyway, see you bitches at school.

Oh yeah, and Im fat because of indulging in phonecian goodies and restaurant food.

None+++

2008-03-14T16:53:00.005-09:30

I have a favourite stone it's covered with patches of green moss and there's nearby bushes of varying colours, and when there's a light breeze and the sun is out, it's quite peaceful to rest on.

Work was uneventful, although I'm not sure if it's safe to write about it. (Due to stalker concerns). Also does everybody get greasy after working in the lab for a couple of hours? I think it's all the reagents around, and the plastic from the gloves and goggles that dry the skin out.

Someone offered me their son. Hahaha, can you believe that? Supposedly he looks like the guy from that superman show, now I'm not entirely sure if it's true or not seeing how maternal love can cloud the eyes, but in any case I'm not privy to arranged dates and especially not with younger men.

I dreamed I owned twelve dogs, one which was a cute little white maltese looking thing, I kept forgetting his name.

I hate rain.

I love shrimp tacos.

I visited OD for some pens, only one lonely cashier, a horde of impatient people, and the manager off to neverland doing re-shops instead of helping out.

None ++

2008-02-24T15:34:00.004-09:30

Coming up for a title for each post is hard.

Arizona Black and White tea has no corn syrup. I could hardly believe it myself.

Tu Mama - good.

Oh my God! I met Bill Clinton! I saw Bill Clinton! I shook his hand!!!!! I almost died of happiness.

On the METRO buses, the front section has two seats on the sides of buses (A and B) and then the standard seating down the length of the bus (C), well one day in such bus it was very crowded. There is a very fat obese man that sits seat A and of course takes almost both of the seats, he always sits there. And the bus is filling up and no one can sit there because he's so fat, and then this equally fat lady gets on and is moved towards seat A by the crowd, and hahaha, they're both thinking that she could sit there but not really because well their girth is so that it would be impossible without crushing the person sitting on seat C and there's no way they both fit on A and B. And so he says, " um im getting off next stop" and she says "oh yeah, ok." Hahaha, Overlay fat people should pay double fare.

In other news, semi-stalkers are scary and I think I may have one.

...

2008-02-16T12:51:00.004-09:30

Couple of changes made to the schedule and now I can practice some soccer moves, that is when it doesn't rain.

I just read an article about METRO and how often it runs over people, inadequate training, and other scary stories. All of the accidents happened downtown, I think it has made me a little bit paranoid, I shall not jay-walk anymore.

I shall go see Lucy before she leaves.

And I thought Harold Ford Jr, would be the Obama of today. I like him way better than the other guy's empty words.

I give you this interesting and poignant article.

none

2008-01-30T11:45:00.001-09:30

so I am feeling slightly better, my initial response to the stress was being attacked by two cold sores, ugh. I have no idea when I contracted the virus, but I have a feeling it's from sharing a drink with a good friend two years ago.

However, I have digressed from posting unusual ocurrences so let's begin.

The lizard boy from my evo class is also in my hum gen, and he is more toned down but still annoying, I suppose it's because it's so early he still isn't very awake.

Today I saw a really cool thing, downtown, where the macy's is located the rail is right in front of the store, usually lots of people stand around waiting for the metro, well today, I was standing around waiting, (hahaha I just said that), and I see this weird guy coming out of the macys, he was wearing a big coat and it looked like he had a box underneath his coat, he walked out of there with this big smile on his face, and I knew he had stolen something. He walked across the rails and onto the metro platform right next to me. I looked at him and he took out the package he stole, a pack of perfume, he was so descarado! he didn't even wait to get on the metro just took it out right there, well I turn around getting ready to walk away from him when I see a policeman coming to aprehend him, it was really cool because he was wearing civilian clothes and then all of the sudden he pulls out his badge from under his clothes, and then another policeman came and he was taken down! What's sad is that the guy looked about seventeen, and I agree with the lady that said "instead of being in school he's out being a fool."

So I guess we can say,
1. Don't steal from macy's they have good security floatters
2. If you're going to steal from macy's don't take out the stolen merchandise until you get on the metro!
3. You never know when the cops are near.
4. Stealing is foolish.

I recommend you watch cold case.

And what is going on with America!? the football club I mean, their coach sucks, their players suck, the only real old timer left is German Villa and this might be his last season, four of their necessary players are leaving for the olympics which includes Ochoa! The only reason the team doesn't lose more often is because it's being carried by the goalie, and hopefully after this season he leaves for Italy or ManU; he's far too good to remain in that mediocre team.

Meh II

2008-01-16T17:01:00.001-09:30

Sad ever so sad news: Metro will no longer subsidize my fare 100% I'm still surprised how I was able to ride for almost four months on $25.00. It has come to an end, I must pay half fare. I didn't calculate this into my semester expenditures and now I am somewhat short. Dang.

Today some jerk tried to embarrass one of my professors and she turned it right back to him, suffice to say the whole class laughed and now it is speculated that he may be sexually attracted to certain lizards. Hahaha.

Also, friday I shall be returning to work, I don't really want to, also because I shall work saturdays, and if all goes well I should be able to work eight hours on these two days.

I might go to the zoo on Monday!

There was a man smoking the last puff of his cigarette, waiting to catch the bus, the bus driver passed him because he wanted her to wait until he finished it.

A lot of people smoke at school, gross.

Rain go away.

You should read "the sea" by John Banville and periodically tune in to kpft.

meh

2008-01-12T10:05:00.000-09:30

So, school again, this time it's hard to accommodate work hopefully I work enough hours and gain more experience this semester, although I have to say that working full days was hard to look forward to. Mostly because of the traffic, and I don't like personal questions at work. That's the weird thing about work, at least I seem to think it, people find friends at work, they hang out with each other after work, and they talk at work. I always thought the system of the French were no one likes to socialize at work was best, and people have all kinds of friends from their actual lives, not that work isn't part of it but it's their own private world, where you choose whom to talk to and share things with.

I am injured at the moment, adductor muscle injury. I can not kick the ball.

There are many interesting people on the bus, like these two ladies who worked for families as nannies for over twenty years, they raised someone else's children a boy whose mother did not want to be a mother and was out all the time shopping and drinking, one time at a softball game for mother's day his mom showed up late jut in time to receive a public mother's day gift giving, except she wasn't the boy's first choice, it was actually "Mary" the nanny. Or the family from california that still sends gifts, pictures, and letters.

I am out of words.

Django

2007-12-24T11:15:00.000-09:30

He accompanies me most everywhere, I wish he was with me all day long at work.

People are very nice at work, and that is ever so magical. hahaha. Non, seriously they are and Im glad.

I miss OD for the coupons and good deals, someone said I'd miss the turkey coupon but nah.

I can't believe metro works the same schedule today, it's inhuman.

Im really tired this holiday.

Same

2007-12-03T18:15:00.000-09:30

Waiting for my friend friday to come, I shall celebrate with a food outing. Not sure where but it shall be delicious.

Also, Pumas won! It was scary though, we lost 4-2 but luckly the goal difference helped us. I have to say we need to seriously improve our frame of mind, we had everything to win three nill but for some reason the coach decided to play defensively and replace the only player that was doing some terrorizing at the front end. It didn't turn out to be so bad because Veron came in and he's such a good defense player. Awesome.

Kaka won the ballon d'ore, good for him, now all he needs to do is have that son and he's set in all his goals.

I wish I could clone C Ronaldo, he would play futbol with me, make me sandwiches, carry me around, and be like an upgraded robot.

School is almost over and I am about to embark into a full day work schedule, hopefully it's not too shabby and I get lots of free lunches, wheeeee!

Esleep

2007-12-01T20:34:00.000-09:30

Today felt like an odyssey. Haha, I often joked about it coming back from school on Saturdays, the waiting that felt eternal, the scary bums with their alcoholic gaze and their awful smell, the humidity that makes me look ten years older, and the random strange people I come across.

I worked a full day today, it was hard. It was a full day! I also ate lots of kolaches and chose the radio station while working, it would have been better if the radio wasn't such crap or if pacifica had better shows on the weekends. Some of the so called "artsy" stuff is so bad. They're the kind of people that I would roll my eyes to.

I stopped in front of a church, albeit, it wasn't Catholic, but it had a nativity scene, there were three little benches close to it, I had my mother's old agenda. I read it while waiting, it was depressing. It explains why my life was turned upside down, my mother was a mom. Dentist appointments, lunch outings, school schedules, vacation, house mortgage, everything was in there. A year of my life, of my family's life. Sometimes I hate having a good memory, I remember every day of that year and wonder how someone that I used to love could change so much. Holidays always leave me depressed.

Tomorrow I shall do something healthy, I think I might go for a run.

Pumas hopefully wins the tournament, the team plays well and on one of the games we scored 8-0! I didn't think it was possible and even said "I wonder if they can make eight goals..." and when it happened I couldn't be more happy. I tried it again, thinking about eleven goals but it didn't work. hahaha.

I'm thinking about a haircut and a chocolate almond croissant.

None

2007-11-19T18:01:00.000-09:30

Not much work has been reaching my hands, but that is ok. I got a free turkey so that was great!

Im finally done with the flies, I could not say what kind of jubilation I got from turning in that paper and hearing that they were dead. All thousand and something of them.

Im glad it's going to be cold on thursday it kind of sucks it's hot tomorrow, as all my drying and straightening is going to be wasted with the humidity.

I love peoplewatching, especially people from different cultures.

There you go not much to say and that is good.

I read this book on race relations in Latin America and while it didn't tell me anything new it didn't explain anything I already knew better. The fifth floor of the library is scary, there are always random people walking around the isles and its so quiet.

I had a really beautiful dream today, I was at a beach it had light brown sand the water was a light blue, the waves moved the light and I was wearing white shorts and a blue shirt. I had a table with big white puzzle pieces, I was selling them and for some reason they sold quite well. There were three other people near me and when I looked at the horizon I could see various cruise ships, they were quite close to each other, it looked almost like an animation the way the ships moved with the waves. Afterwards I walked to my house, it had hedgehogs and a pool, it was made of stone and there was a tree next to the back door. It was a nice Mexican street but with a metro bus.

Hahaha, it was rather bizarre.

I leave you with this, Houston has a cardinal!

Pixa

2007-11-10T13:27:00.000-09:30

I drink orange powerade when there is a dynamo game like today's, which reminds me, a week ago I saw Brian Ching walking across the parking lot, he was wearing these really cool tennis, and he looked skinny, his legs not as big as they look on tv. He is as tanned as he looks on screen.

I am a failure.

Buzz

2007-11-08T16:06:00.000-09:30

Eh bien, today I made the mistake of drinking coffee after a prolonged absence and it was interesting. I was flushed for almost three hours and sort of shaky too. This is due to my stupidity of not bringing a sweater to school today! I was ever so cold (and decided coffee was my answer even though it doesn't help warm you at all.) That is until around twelve when as predicted the day warmed, sadly I was sort of hot and shaky like I said and didn't enjoy the warm weather as much as I had hoped.

Nana Caymmi is so cool, I wish she was a friend of my father's so I could listen to her sing in one of those latin reunions.

I really hate that the day is getting shorter today was dark by six! It makes the busing experience scary. Hahaha. I laugh but it is very serious.

I have started a collection of random pictures in daily life. mostly strangers.

Whoa! tomorrow is payday!

Im worried about my loan, :(

And is there a reason why all the black people work for the bureaucracy? It wouldn't be so bad if they were a little nice or tried to help, every time I ask something at school is always "no I can't help you with that" until they shut up long enough for me to explain and then it's usually, "oh..ok yeah, let me see." Bitches.

I don't know how to feel about the hobos downtown, they are for the most part scary, a nuisance, smelly, and undesirable, yet they are destitute, if I should read about them I feel sympathetique, it saddens me to hear that almost 80% of them suffer some sort of mental illness, and I am left with conflicting views. Downtown would certainly be more attractive without them but where else are they going to go? At least they're sort of segregated to that part of the city, and when one hears the horrours of shelters it's no wonder some opt to sleep outside.

I find myself to be an odd person.

And only around 8% of Houstonians voted this week. How this is possible or acceptable escapes my mind.

Sometimes I feel like kicking a pigeon.

it's a load of shite, kicking people in

2007-11-05T18:00:00.000-09:30

It sure is.

And also a retelling of a wonderful bus story.

A man, maybe in his forties, from his phenotype he does not look retarded or mentally challenged yet his behaivour is ailing to that of mentally challenged. Here is this white man, easily freckled, short buzz hair cut, ugly pale green fish eyes, thick pink mouth, and a stocky build, jean shorts, and a white t shirt, a black backpack, an analog watch, high white socks and black tennis shoes. Can you see him? He sits in front of me, the bus is well packed, I have room to breathe though, and that's enough. He sits and takes his left shoe off. He smells his shoe, deeply, like you smell the neck of your lover, he pats his foot, he takes his shoe and rips out the insole, he pets it, examines it, and smells it. His face is buried in this sole. My eyes start to see blurry, my face is burning and I feel queasy. He does this for quite some time, on both shoes. Then he rips the little strings out of his insoles, makes them into a ball and drops them on the floor. I grimace in disgust. After his display of obscenity is over, he bends down and picks up the ball and smells it. Deeply, plays with it and drops it again. We arrive to a transit center, he gets up and hangs from the loops on the ceiling, you know the ones you use when you have to stand up? and he swings from one side to the other and sits back again. I ask you this, was it so wrong to take pictures? This man's shame is nonexistent.

Two obese women take the same bus everyday, at eight ten am, number 30 Cullen, one looks relatively young, as fat hides age, she has long fake hair, and a baby boy. The other, is aged, two small children, and that is how they travel everyday. Sometimes I feel the urge to follow them, where do they go? what do they do? do their children play?

A fat woman, with an ass the size of a pickup truck, stumbles to find a seat, the bus driver is crazy and driving like a madman, she nearly sits on me, and all i could see was her giant ass almost landing on me. I have never been more scared, or nearer to vomit.

An old white woman, with fake blond hair, and a criticizing stare, a mean, black stare, looks at everything that happens inside the bus, a hateful look at a woman asking me for directions, she does not see the anxiety of the first bus ride, the nervousness of "how do i get to my transfer?" and the gratitude for a stranger that willingly walks you to the stop, gives you advice on what buses you can take, and wishes you a good day. She sees a middle eastern foreigner, a nuisance that does not let her knit in peace, how can people not know where they're going!?
A true bitch at that.

----------------------------------------

I have acne! porque!?!!!!!!!!!

I bought cigs and they carded me.

Soon very soon, I shall indulge in a dry martini, on some hotel overlooking shiny buildings, my face shall get hot and my hands clumsy. and i shall laugh somewhat loudly, but someone that likes the sound of my laughter shall look at me and smile at me. maybe like last time.

I'm in love with seven grain bread.

Im not sure

2007-10-30T15:56:00.000-09:30

So said person is crossing this street which is crossed five non six days out of the week, a street with four directions of traffic and 16 different lanes, a street that is heavy in pedestrian traffic. So this person starts to cross because well, it's a red light and it's her turn, and this old red truck/van comes to a speeding halt, well over three feet from the white line cars aren't supposed to cross, trying to make a right turn. And almost runs over said person. Well said person thought the car stopped because the man driving almost ran over said person, said person thought that they had made eye contact and proceeded to begin crossing again, only to find that in the first step the car with the man looking to the left to make sure no cars were coming again hit the gas, this time however said person rose her hand high above her shoulder and slammed it on the hood of the man's truck. The man startled looked at said person, and continued looking somewhat confused and dazed as said person kept a hand on his car and went to his window, where said person opened the door and took him by the collar, put another hand on his shoulder and shook him out of his car. Said person's foot then kicked this man in the crotch, and the man grabbed his humanity and bent in pain, while said person then took the backpack that said person was carrying, it contained a book, a bottle of orange juice, and other articles like pens, one mechanical pencil, a phone, a wallet, a small brush, an eraser, a notebook, sixteen pages of printed out notes, a letter from an old friend, headphones and an mp3. The backpack made an arch above said person's head, and landed on the back of this man. A man that was too shocked and scared of said person that could utter no words other than whatever a person says or sounds like when he or she is being beaten up. So by this time the dance of the green, yellow, and red lights hasn't stopped and said person with two semi-hobos, looking at said person, walked away from the man, still recuperating from the kick, and continued on said person's walk. It was visible that said person leaned down and said something to the man, something that sounded calculating, angry, and nervous. A passerby an old black man who was waiting on the bus with no samaritan interest other than in five dollars heard the remark, and repeated it with a chuckle, "ha, you sure have been dropped you bent bastard" haw haw, "and by a little girl too! hahaha", Said person didn't look back, but rather fixed the upheaval of said person's shirt, put the backpack back on, looked to see no cars and like it was said before continued somewhat hurried and with a strange sense of something, that still cannot be described. something liking to power, anger, calm, remorse, fear, and anxiety.

Jebus!

2007-10-25T15:13:00.000-09:30

I smelled roses today. It was the smell of roses.

------------------------------------------------

Also, today while in the rail there was a badly dressed fat black girl listening to her ipod really loud you could hear the rap beats, and these two blond girls that were looking at her like she was trash. Holy cow, I've never seen that in real life. It was so distasteful.

I was bored today, can you believe that?

And November 16th is almost here!!!! Im scared.

My hair has been looking nicer in these past days of nice weather. I love it when there's no humidity.

I leave you with this:

Kaka is a winner, Jose Mourinho Im not sure about you, Giovanni keep going, and Ochoa leave for the old continent!

Broken arrow

2007-10-22T14:42:00.000-09:30

A night in an open balcony, the cold not yet here.
A pair of brown eyes staring at my face.
The touch of a warm hand.
And the mellow soundings of distant conversation.

le touche de lèvres

the shy smile afterwards.

And then?

my inability to say yes.

it's a broken arrow.

schepps, a bad chicago hotdog, and a textbook

2007-10-20T08:29:00.000-09:30

is this a new story about to begin?

I dunno, it might be welcome.

In other news, this whole thing of going to school and work is getting me really tired, especially that whole two hours of wasted time on saturdays. bleugh.

anyway, nothing else to report.

Swimmer

2007-10-16T15:27:00.000-09:30

So it is almost actually we have reached the middle of the semester. Tests are coming in about two weeks and it's scary! Non, they are actually here. hahaha.

Im contemplating getting an ipod, I looked at the zune and while I would get more storing power it's just not as cool as the ipod. Besides the ipod is so tiny!

My job so far is nothing very hard, Im learning some stuff and it really makes me think about my future. It is discouraging and sad to listen to unfulfilled souls but it is also slightly motivating. haha. non seriously. and torturing because these people have not discovered the magic of pacifica radio. I listen to the worst station ever, I don't even want to mention it because it is that horrible. I cringe whenever someone says "that is my favorite song!" But meh, people are nice and I am quiet, that is how life goes.

I have this lab that seems to take over my life, but Im starting to appreciate Drosophila melanogaster in a new way, I will think twice before killing another little fly.

Also I loathe network omni.

And I am currently filled with resentment and frustration.

Sometimes I look very young other times I look old and still others I look my age.

I am grateful to alcohol.

I really take offense when after hair-drying and some straightening of my hair I step outside and in ten minutes it is like I did nothing and it gets all puffy.

I only wear horizontal lines.

Someday I shall punch someone.

With Giovanni playing and Guardado and etc, why isn't Mexico doing well? Tying with Nigeria sucked.

I read How Doctors think, it was alright. Also in this magazine " Outside" there's an article about survival stories in the wild, like this couple got attacked by a mountain lion, this guy by a shark, and then other stuff that happens in kayaks, and all I could do while reading was giggle, I mean I laughed so hard that these two ladies that were looking at gardening books looked at me funny and then one of them said "ok we're reading that book next!" hahaha, poor oblivious ladies, I tried to make it sound like I was laughing because I was incredulous at the survival stories but in reality I was laughing at their pain. I know it's awful but I can't help it.

holy shiat!

2007-09-30T18:14:00.000-09:30

I just waste my time when I have stuff to do.

Im incredulous but unable to move.

ahhh,

In other news,

Pumas has finally won two consecutive games.

And

october is already here!?

Wheeeeee!

2007-09-24T11:57:00.000-09:30

J'ai obtenu un travail.

I shall acquire some pants. haha

Random

2007-09-19T14:57:00.000-09:30

I hate obscene displays of sentimentality mais je me sens vide.

And to more random stories of the day:

This week while waiting at the Park and ride, I was approached by a stranger who wanted to give me a ride downtown, the reason being that after eight am HOV lane only requires an extra person! that being moi. So she has this chrysler suv, it was really nice inside and the lady looks like an actress, she has dark died hair, sunglasses, and a nice face, but a somewhat fakish tan. She basically told me her life, hahaha, I just love when that happens, you meet a random person and they tell you everything. (Needless to say, if she ever finds this page I apologize in advance for retelling everything I was told.) She likes to go out to nice clubs and listen to techno, a famous DJ made a mix for her, she has four children, a single mother, an ex fiancee, an exboyfriend, and a friend of her ex fiancee interested in her. I mean I can see it but I think it's too much drama. It's kind of like yes you like MC solaar but maybe one or three songs you don't want to listen to all the depressing social commentary however true it is. Anyway, so she told me her life, knew that I didn't like to go out to clubs, hahaha, that's not something that takes long to figure out. And she knew I was twenty, :( I think it was my hair that gave me away, I didn't use my normal routine, but anyway, so she gives me a ride downtown and I know it's not the right street but whatever I like walking downtown and looking at all the business people going about, not the hobos thou. Those are scary sometimes. I will say one thing it's not likely that I do that again, I mean sometimes I do the stupidest things I really don't know why.

So I have two prospective jobs both are interesting, I still don't know which one I would like best, hopefully God helps me with that. I went to an interview today and while I don't think it was the best I had it was by far the funniest. The three guys that interviewed me seem very cool and laid back, they were funny. Most of the humour involved them making fun of my flies, which I haven't really gotten much of but maybe because that's at school and everyone knows that's work and stuff. It got better when I said "we have a morgue for the flies, it's a little glass container with ether," and then one of them called the professor "the master of the flies," and so many other things I can't even remember. Needless to say the job sounds interesting I might have a chance to learn things too!

I want to thank that kind lady that gave me a dollar. I couldn't find my cash because I left it at the library.

I hate Russell Banks.

Saint Seiya!

2007-09-13T15:54:00.000-09:30

2007-09-10T07:55:00.000-09:30

my friend sat on my desk and broke it.hahaha. so now I have to get coupons from om and od to buy one for thirty dollars. fuck

Salt

2007-08-27T16:26:00.000-09:30

Hopefully I can play indoor soccer this semester I really want to improve.

I need - money

Escool

2007-08-24T10:58:00.000-09:30

School started this week, Im excited to learn new things.
I think I need to buy a scooter to get around it's getting to be uncomfortable to be under the sun for so long, my skin hurts.

Got a new phone, yay! haha, I suppose.

Im not looking forward to my lab tomorrow, but whatever.

I really like patee, and new books.

Julio Cortazar and I are going to spend some time together.

Cable is temporary and I dunno if I really like it, food channel, discovery, and sadly mtv seem to be the channels with entertaining stuff, all the other ones end so early.

I love the Kingsland park and ride.

Wahh?

2007-08-11T04:58:00.000-09:30

This weekend was cool, muahaha.

You're prob. wondering why it is a weekend but it's only saturday morning?! hahahaha

Anyway, I need a new friend for the fall. :( whaaaa.

Summerino

2007-07-29T13:55:00.000-09:30

Eh bien,

For the majority of summer I have been working working working, as in I have no days off and Im sleep deprived, it kind of felt like when in high school times I had all this homework and books to read and orchestra practice and etc. It's been pretty boring for the most part, I go from a place in the ghetto with a lot of ignorant people that don't even know how to write and think a debit card is a credit card to talking with a chemical engineer that sounds like a hobbo and is incredibly rude. People are strange and I am strange.

So I picked up a Chekov book filled with short stories two of which are quite famous and quintesentially Chekov, and while I enjoy his style it always leaves me depressed. I shall call it the "Russian stuff," he reminds me of random conversations I have with myself.

Working for a small ghetto company is draining, the lack of resources and sorroundings astound me.

I got another haircut Im not sure I like it, it makes me look old and dang I think it's too short. :(

Do you remember when I made a label for you?

I want a smoke

2007-05-28T13:45:00.000-09:30

Just watched thank you for smoking, again, bleh. I don't think the dude in that movie is attractive, maybe his hair, but eww, he looks like a weasel. Daniel Craig on the other hand, hahaha.

I hate not having enough time for a real conversation, something that sparks and then not having enough fuel for a fire, it's sort of like being interrupted in bed. maybe?

Im feeling anxious, sort of like wanting to start some project or a sketch or books.

I laugh at my father's affair with sugar, even if he is aware that he suffers from diabetes, he still manages to eat a cookie. Bad daddy. However, it is not to be taken lightly, diabetes kills, it is evil, but more evil is the shading the sun with one finger, in that it is denied. Sometimes Im scared for him and maybe even me, I don't want to have diabetes.

Oh the good old nineties music, hehe, yay.

I need new shoes for running around, my converse hurt, and my dear black ones are dead! they died while I was playing, and like a last gift to me lasted till the end of the game and saw me win. Even if we didn't really score that much, my passes and footwork was really really cool. Those shoes and I have memories.

Alejandro Fernandez is breathtaking when he sings rancheras, in a normal charro outfit please none of that gay leather pants thing, I want to be sung to, serenaded, preferably with La Mitad que me faltaba. sheesh.

Je suis fatigue

2007-05-27T21:16:00.000-09:30

Milan won the champions! whee, good for Kaka, he's awesome.
Pumas sucked, but America did well so yay.
Finished Cicero but haven't started anything since, I feel my brain drying.
I need another job how sad.

Sometimes I feel inadequate, I think most average people think of me as intelligent while the stupid ones think Im not very smart. hahaha. what do you say to that? Thanks I suppose.

Jesus Camp freaks me out, but that Levi kid is cute, too bad he's named Levi and has a semi-mullet. oh yeah and goes to Jesus Camp.

Im worried about next semester, I hate being poor.

Now, tell me why did I tell someone I was adopted when I really don't know them that well? I think it's sort of like Cal in Middlesex, he tells random people he's a hermie and then for others he waits until he knows them well enough, adoption is not that big a deal I suppose, but still, it feels strange to say so, reveal it if you can say that. I also find that people tend to confide in me while I try to get over my shyness and rarely give something as substantial back. maybe it's loneliness that prompts them to say such things or I am that cool of a persone. hehe

I want to meet someone extraordinary. I want to be extraordinary.

When I called for mother's day I felt strange, like I betrayed some part of myself, dirty, anxious, almost bitter, and sad of course. It almost made me go confess, which is something I should do very soon. I regret calling. But then again, I am grateful for past things.

Man, this post is a downer.

regarde

2007-05-03T04:56:00.000-09:30

Look at that! that's an image from NASA's Cassini probe, taken in 2004, in natural color. That's pretty incredible. It's really far away!

On other things, Pumas couldn't qualify and it is such a disappointment, they had a good team but they couldn't hold off their wins and kept ending games in ties, I think they had ten tied games, that's awful. However Santos who was fighting to stay in the Primera A is fighting for a chance to get in the liguilla, I don't agree with the repechage system at all, crappy teams have a chance but competent ones don't. shameful.

ManU lost to Milan in the semis for the Champions league so I suppose I shall be rooting for Milan, after all Kaka is on the team and he's brilliant.

I know Im not the only one that hates Alex trebbek, he's mean and manipulative, like he slows down the game and a player's tempo when he wants someone else to win, he over pronounces everything, and when someone answers wrong he acts like he knows it and yet he holds index cards with the answers. ugh.

And! sudan is refusing prosecution of war criminals! That's why africa is a lost cause.

2007-04-25T15:50:00.000-09:30

Sadly nothing is jumping like Parejita anymore, not even himself. I don't think Pumas will qualify, let's hope that I'm wrong. sadness.

In other news - what is work? haha, I haven't worked much and that is seriously depleting my funds. In search of a new one but this late I don't know what's going to happen. Sure I hate it and all that but as a means of making money it's pretty nice. Considering I space out for most of the time and think of better things to come. sheesh.

I'm reading Cicero, not one of his books but an autobiography by Everitt, I already knew of his greatness one just needs a great writer to tell us about him. It's very intriguing but disappointing every time you read "unfortunately his letter/book doesn't survive," because it obviously means I can't read it and we are deprived of Cicero's brilliance. He was such a magnificent orator I want to talk like him but sadly as you can see my writing powers suck. hehe. Oh yeah! and I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac, not a serious one just a pretend one, I read a book on the "back" and that's the one place I don't want to get seriously hurt. I love my spine even if I mistreat it often, I hope it loves me back. It seems that I have inherited bad posture, I blame all the old people I grew up with.

More books! Disgrace by J.M. Coatzee, I sort of hate and love it, all at once. In the beginning I disliked the protagonist, he's this middle aged professor who is an underachiever and has numerous affairs, except he makes a mistake when his object of desire becomes one of his students (not that the previous affairs including one with a prostitute aren't mistakes.) Questionable morality you can say, but I mean come on like he says you can't change habits when you're as old as he is, how will he learn? Well he goes to live with his lesbian daughter in this sort of remote farm in the bad part of town and she shares the land with a black guy that helps her, she takes care of dogs and grows flowers. Both dad and daughter end up disgraced one he loses his university teaching position for refusing to apologize for ruining his student's life (he does apologize but not in the way that is demanded of him, an empty prideful apology) so like I said he goes to live with his daughter and then she is gang raped by three black guys while the dad is unable to do anything locked in the bathroom. The helper happened to be absent at the time of the incident and it is later discovered that he knows one of the rapists. Did he leave so they could violate her? could he have stopped it? And why does she refuse to press charges, gets upset when her dad tries to beat up one of the rapists, and doesn't want to leave the farm? It's a great book, everyone should read it.

I miss all things tech.

I wouldn't mind if ManU won the premier league, considering that C Ronaldo is in the team! lalala.

Radio blog club is pretty cool.

sometimes.

Is Sarko gong to win!? I believe he was called bush's lapdog, haha, so I certainly hope not. And I consider Segolene Royal the coolest name I've heard.

Summer go away.

p.s. whoa, I just realized that's the first reference to politics in this blog.

none

2007-04-13T15:26:00.000-09:30

Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp

2007-04-06T11:38:00.000-09:30

Easter is almost here and it kind of sickens me with all the advertising that goes on, "it's time to get a new outfit! you can get bedsheets too!" I remember people being solemn for most of the week and then rejoicing on sunday after church not excited about the sales on clothes and bedsheets, things like these make me sick of the American consumerism view culture. eww.

Oprah and her best friend Gayle went on a road trip across America, they stayed in hotels, visited shopping towns, drove nonstop, ate junk food, and Oprah complained the whole time (at least from what they showed on the tape). I wouldn't really call it a road trip they never stopped at a national park, didn't camp anywhere, and stayed in five star hotels. If I was going across America I would definitely camp out, do the whole frugal thing, I wouldn't want to experience it as a never ending car ride.

I feel uncomfortable when people try to impress me or when after various big hints of no thanks, still try. I suppose I should be flattered but I'm not, I'm more annoyed than anything. Like this person told me she spoke french and then pathetically attempted to ask me what time it was, she forgot the word time and the verb is, or the fact that she keeps texting me with things to do and movie to see. I dunno what to do, it makes me nervous. Or the guy that keeps throwing vibes out, I hate when guys do stuff like that, especially when I said I had someone, lalala. The guy stops me to chat, writes on my things, he even winked at me!? hahaha wtf? who does that!? who winks at someone?

I'm sort of glad the semester is nearly over, I feel uncomfortable and restless, maybe I can be a donkey for the summer and work two jobs! it might drive me to insanity but a need is a need.

You know that beautiful HOV lane in houston? I think instead of it we should have a rail, like one of those in chicago since with flooding we can't have it underground.

Writing lab reports is stressful, especially when you have a picky bitch for a teacher. That reminds me of a line in the book Middlesex, when Cal is left in charge of the runaway camp and the hoboes come and ransack, they take "his" wallet and come upon his school ID, "this your girlfriend? skinny bitch." In fact it wasn't his girlfriend, that was Cal back when he used to be Callie!

Waiting in line for biometrics is weird, aside from long almost two and a half hours, people sit in these uncomfortable plastic chairs that offer no lumbar support, then there's this one tv for the entire room that has fox news on it, you're waiting for your number to be called and then sort of blank out, that happened to me. "Letter C" no movement, "C?" oh yeah that's me! I stared at the lady but had no recognition of why she was walking my way until I someone nudged me, it was amusing.

look at it

2007-03-26T19:25:00.000-09:30

My phone sucks, and Im contemplating switching to sprint.

I am finally an adult in my AOL account!!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!

People Im serious it has taken me two years to accomplish this, actually three because I think at seventeen you're no longer one of those stupid teenagers that like that "RED" shit.

Mexico won 2-1 against Paraguay, it was no surprise but I feared we were going to tie nill-nill until the second half when Borgetti made the goal after we had numerous attempts. It was a sweet goal, header, the dude especializes in those. And the second one was going to be an Olympic goal, that is when taking a corner the ball curves in just the right way to enter the goal. It hit the top left corner and ricoched from Borgetti's tummy to the goal. hahaha. that sucked for the other team.

I dreamdt something awful, I couldn't move my body and it went into some weird catatonia, even my braces seemed to tighten. I tried to wake up and look at myself in the mirror but I was too tired and fell back into that stage thrice. I could feel everything and it was quite painful, I think at some point I really stopped breathing, I hate waking up to pain.

Im learning how to make the perfect quiche crust, it has been on my mind for quite some time, and I was able to calm my craving when I had a quiche lorraine yesterday, quite yummy. Although I can't help thinking I may have ruined the experience by adding tabasco sauce to it.

Je me souviens

2007-03-21T16:14:00.000-09:30

De temps en temps je me souviens de ma soeur, je me souviens de mon enfance, avec elle. Et je pleure parce que je n'ai jamais aimé ma soeur autant qu'elle m'aime.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Im obsessed with Fred Astaire and in particular with this song, Cheek to Cheek, it's so cool. I wish people sold his stuff everywhere.

C Ronaldo should go to barcelona Real Madrid sucks. And so does a whole lot of the english press. Hooligans!

I cannot stand the way colombians talk, it annoys me. They sort of end every word by making an "o" with their mouths, and it sounds like they're singing.

Also, haha, I think I've been fired. It's not official yet but I didn't get any hours today, I think that may be a factor.

I feel tacky for knowing a pregnant girl.

random

2007-03-19T16:22:00.000-09:30

That's my favorite pokemon, Chikorita!

My little brother used to draw it for me, I think I still have the card somewhere.

It's all gone, yay

2007-03-07T17:12:00.000-09:30

The title refers to my haircut, I was looking pretty shabby and old with long hair but now it's gone and it feels good. I would shake my head more but it makes me dizzy, oh and when I got it the lady gave me a "you go girl" thing, haha I dunno why but it pleased my ears.

The Science of Sleep is cool, although a bit sad, I really like it and Im in love with that kitty song, it's so funny,
"If you rescue me, Ill be your friend forever, Let me in your bed Ill keep you warm in winter, All the kittens are playing and are having such fun I wish it could happen to meee. "
It's a kitty singing it to you, so you can adopt him/her.

Drinking water feels good but chewing on sun chips tires my jaw.

Reminds me of when I used to eat this pan dulce and it would give me a headache from chewing it, hahaha.

There's this really funny commercial on spanish tv, it's on a movie about a little girl that has a hard time adapting to the US, and this fat lady says "I don't want to hear any spanish, we live in America" hahaha, she has the accent of a chicana and it sounds like she speaks spanish better than english.

hm....

2007-02-27T15:47:00.000-09:30

So today I think I ventured to open myself up more to people i still consider strangers even if Ive now known them for quite some months. I talked to someone today and I quite enjoyed the forty minute conversation.

I feel awkward and somewhat left out of earlier friendships and maybe even recent ones. Most of them are on their way to internships or study abroad and yet I am in houston doing nothing really and feeling odd. GT is preparing for law school and many others are content in what they're going to do like this really cool guy I know is going to backpack in Europe for the summer, he knows no one there except a distant uncle in Germania and the dude is going there all by himself to experience these new things that come with growing a year older. And in all my happiness I hate feeling down and wishing that was me crap, im unfulfilled, but then again it gives me this thing I think I can call inspiration. I shall work harder to be where I want to be, even if for now Im a bit confused.

Medical school seemed to be the straight path, it was there since almost six years ago, it seemed easy enough to do it, go to college get a bs in bio and then get accepted to UTUH, or UTDallas but now it seems foreign to me. I've discovered or rather accepted that I don't enjoy ordinary people, Id rather be off by myself than with a group of people and while my father says it's because Im insecure I think it's because I really can't stand most of the public anymore. Ignorance, rudeness, disregard for others, addiction, amorality, etc I leave it for those that can take it. I think Id rather be working on research to help eradicate malaria or develop a treatment for cancer or Alzheimer's. I dunno anymore about working with the public, perhaps my job at OD has put in a drop of bitterness in my blood or opened my eyes to what could be a mistake in the future. hm...

In other more exciting news, I have been on a movie marathon, Keeping Mum, is the funniest thing Ive seen in a while, its a dark comedy about a family that finds each other with the help of their maid Rosemary (Maggie Smith) who believe it or not fixes things by killing people. hahaha, and if Maggie Smith wasn't enough Kristin Scott Thomas is in it too, wow, she's such a great actress I keep reading about her ability to deliver emotion with her altering face and until you see it on film you understand what people talk about. The bloopers and the outtakes on the special features are hilarious, I could not stop laughing, especially the part where Dame Maggie Smith is ironing a random shirt and she says "whose is this?" hahaha.

Life as A House is poignant and Kevin Kline rocks, I used to hate him because of the mustache but since it's gone on this movie I was able to overlook it.

English Patient- classic (Ralph Fiennes is very attractive)

Un Air de famille - dude, the cast had been performing the play for like months before they made the movie, so it's magic watching them act.

The Devil Wears Prada- only reason I watched this is because Meryl Streep is in it, which pretty much saves the whole movie, not to say that its terribly bad or anything but I dunno, it's alright, a little bland.

Top Gear- it's not a movie but a british show about cars, and while I have no real interest in them I enjoy the humor, and some of the challenges are crazy like driving a twenty ton (i think that's how much it weighed) tractor on an extremely narrow wooden bridge across a swampy pond. hahaha, you see?

I've read about darwin, guns germs and steel, salammbo, and strangely enough Paris Match magazines, which makes me practice that rusty french.

Can you believe my bio prof does not believe in evolution? wtf?

but yet he believes in voodoo

and I quote

"if you don't have faith then how do you know someone can't put a curse on you?"

ouch

2007-01-29T10:23:00.001-09:30

that is all

Dude

2007-01-22T05:31:00.000-09:30

i thought today was tuesday, actually i thought that i had class at eight, and i didn't until 11.
FUCK
i hate traffic.

Its cold

2006-11-20T15:50:00.000-09:30

Yep, it is.

Anyway, turkey is almost here and that's ok. Warmer climate I hope.

muahaha

Oh really? non!

2006-10-30T16:26:00.000-09:30

Fuck it Im tired of Asian parent's and their disapproving/judgemental looks whenever they see me, and while there is I think one exception, most if not all of them suck.
And why would I be saying this? Because I experienced it not too long ago and I can't believe it's bothering me this much. Ugh, I want to call them pretentious peasants but agh, I can't really say it outloud. I'm going on an Asian-diet.

Ok haha, I waited three seconds after I wrote the first paragraph but still not feeling better only more agitated. Ugh. ugh. I can't stand the stupid language barrier at least I know how to speak english, I hate when they say something and I can't understand what they're trying to say, "whut is llour majjoh?" Um biology, yes this darkie knows about biology and chemistry, and yeah I don't go to UT, sheesh. not everyone wants to go there.

---------------------------------

I dunno if I want to keep this post permanently.

Ahem ahem

2006-10-23T15:20:00.000-09:30

Well, instead of relating my silly stories, even if they really aren't that silly themselves, let me tell you about some other things I've noticed or thought about.

Starting over is going to be hard, I've never been good at tolerating new people especially since haha, everyone knows I tend to hate them before I like them. No offense that's just my insecurities showing themselves. Anyway, as I was saying, it's going to be a challenge especially because the move is not something I want or look forward to.

I need new shoes but I don't know what to get. I love my Chuck's but I dunno if another pair is feasible; maybe I need a more structured shoe. I think Jenny's the only other girl I know with only one pair of shoes, well at least that we like to wear all the time.

Have you seen some of the videos of this fantastico Cristiano Ronaldo!? He's really cool, I dunno why he chose to play in the English league, it's such ugly football. And Portuguesse sounds similar to Spanish but some of the words are so different, how is it that a country that's next to Spain developed their own language? It's such a small country you'd think they separated from Spain. Viva Portugal!

Im reading this new book, The British Gulag in Kenya, or something like that haha, as it's inferred from the title it's about the British occupation of Kenya, the British impearilism in Kenya. Sometimes it's hard to understand the paternal attitude the British had for the Kenyans; their brutality towards the indegenous people and their inability to understand another culture reminds me of Joseph Conrad's Heart of darkness, scary.

Well I got bruises from this really cool new soccer ball I got. It's a real one not like the one I'm used to. teehee.

p.s. Test Tube babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Listen

2006-10-04T12:53:00.000-09:30

There was a lady I knew, she was pretty but like all poor people had one defect that marred her beauty - her teeth. They were bad enough that if you met her and if someone asked you what is it that you don't like about her the only thing you could think of was her teeth. She is a very hard worker, in a cliche way she would give 110% when at work. She has some sort of weird walk, in that she has a bit of a gait. And the reason why I'm mentioning her is that one day I answered the phone, and it was I believe her eldest son he asked to speak to her and while it may seem normal, in the background you could hear yelling. A male voice was screaming orders, it sounded like obceneties in another language, and behind that vociferous sound there was another smaller, high pitched voice of a little girl. And I asked the kid to hold while I gave the phone to his mom, and I could only imagine what could be going on. She answered and kept her compusere quite well, like a person that's used to feigning calm; she left soon after she hung up I presume she used her hour of break to drive back home and calm her husband down. And then the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, that one time her husband had bought flowers to apologize, the way she walks sometimes because she might be hit, why she never really has a hurry to go home and the dark circles under her pretty eyes because she probably spends nights worrying about life, her children, and that she might even cry in secret, because that's what people do to keep strong, they hide their tears.

Then there was another lady that I didn't know but I always noticed. She would go into the store and wander around, almost always before seven pm. Then she would go to the library and try the computers. She would come back to the store and spend an hour making a copy, then sometimes she would hand me six cents, they were always in pennies. She would go to the bathroom and spend time there then come back out grab a candy bar and wander around. She would get her copy and cut it in four then sit at a table and write four letters. Then she would look at the clearance section but never bought anything. Once I found her at the wendy's and she was just sitting there, I had ordered two meals, then acted like they gave me one for free "I don't think I can eat both of these, would you like one?"
I dunno what she did for sleep purposes, but now that it's getting cold, well at least here, I often think of her. Especially since the sun goes down earlier instead of staying until nine pm.

I don't have rose colored sunglasses

2006-09-28T17:08:00.000-09:30

It's true. And it sucks.

I dunno what I'm supposed to do for the upcoming semester, I just hope it doesn't affect any of my chances to, well you know that white robe I'm working for. You know I read a magizne article about a girl that flunked out of school because of too much partying, and sorry but sincerely that girl doesn't deserve shit.

---

But for now let me take what I have and keep it near.

Btw, I found this cool band "Explosions in the Sky." Instrumental post rock. I like it.

And on survivor talk which I can't believe I'm watching, I really hated that they broke the tribes now it's not racially divided. The black team would've lost first, it's quite apparent. I think all the other three had an equal chance to win, but now everyone's mixed and I don't fancy that. I won't watch anymore.

Yep yep

2006-09-26T13:52:00.000-09:30

Im back to my old ways again. Meaning of not doing anything, when I really have to. like school work wise. Geez, you'd think I have enough incentives. But anyway, here read:

I was home, on the top floor, and the light was coming in through the blinds, it was exceptionally bright. Almost to the point where it hurts your eyes. There were two dogs there, one was tan colored and the other black; I kissed and hugged both of them, I had a preference for the black puppy. They had to go to the bathroom so I opened the door to the grass, and I went out and then I was falling in the sky, the feeling was awesome, it's sort of like when you're in the car going really fast and you open the window and stick your head out. The air messing up your hair and if you face the wind directly you have a hard time breathing air in, haha, I had short hair too. I was laughing and enjoying my way down, I didn't stay for the landing, the cold woke me up.

Ilugt

choses

2006-09-19T16:17:00.000-09:30

Well, at first I was hesitant to write about stuff like this, but let's go ahead and do it! hehehe.

Anyway, a good friend of mine is having some problems in her "love" life and I am reluctant to call it that because it seems like she changes guys too often, and isn't really involved, she's too much of a romantic. I hope she gets this one straightened out and good things happen.

Someone once said to me that Spanish men were sexy, and that while americans would look gay and silly in those toreador (bull fighter) costumes Spanish men pull it off. I think it's the juxtaposition of the handsome dark looks and virility the man exudes against the elaborate sequined costume. (Forget for a moment the animal cruelty of such spectacle.)

On to something else, Mcdonald's food sucks, it's so salty. gross.

Look!
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/bigphotos/21329204.html
it's very expected but at the same time shocking people are so retrograde. Bah!

I dreamed I was in some sort of painting, near the coast of some place, there were verdant hills near the dark blue ocean, a couple of sailing boats, and we had gone parasailing, you had to come into the water very precisely otherwise you could run into the boats or land on the deck, I landed ok, but it felt like I had to swim half a few hundred meters to shore, when I finally reached land, I remember feeling relieved, my legs ached, but my arms were fine, and while resting in the sand, I looked up and saw you. We laid on the beach enjoying the changing colours of the sky, and we both said, "le ciel" and smiled.

I found fifteen dollars in my pocket.

Girly girls intimidate me.

Reading the Virgin Suicides, it's good but um, very direct about adolescence. I think that's what I meant to say.

I think I could almost drink a whole gallon of gatorade, I should try it sometime. haha, Im afraid I'll bloat like a balloon.

I like akward silence whenever I meet a stranger. It kind of makes me laugh.

Woot!

2006-09-09T13:54:00.000-09:30

I had a very nice dream about lounging in one of my relative's pool, my uncle's house is so modern and elegant. It's situated in the posh part of Mexico and it's sorrounded by equally posh houses. The facade and most of the interior is white, but there are pale greens and other earthy neutral colours too. There's this amazing pool filled with salt water; I was sitting next to it in my dream about to dive in, when I was awakened and my relaxing dream shattered.

Im in for ten days of hell. eleven actually. Que Dios me ayude.

p.s. I hate the commentary on the U.S. Open, it's so biased. I hope Federer wins.

Guava Juice

2006-09-03T14:22:00.000-09:30

Today I hiked five miles, I didn't think I could go as fast as I did, but amazingly I finished it. It feels good to feel a little winded, on my legs especially to feel the blood circulating, and my hands are fine, they didn't bloat this time. I think it's because I've been drinking more water.

About to start reading "In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote; I'm expecting good stuff.

And on the semester as well, how about you?

Thanks I guess

2006-08-22T13:15:00.000-09:30

"Im from the poor side of the railroad tracks"
"La la la"
"He was an engineer"
"My dad was an engineer too, I'm an engineer now, my son will be an engineer, what about you? what are you?"
"Im...I'm; I have a degree in business, I..."
"Im from Baptist Inc, you should come see the atmosphere, it's great. Im a pastor, I say Jesus, and you say thank you"
"Really? I go back every sunday for church; I drive two hours just to get there. I read the Katy Times!"
"Did you know she takes forks, spoons, and knives by the handful?"
"Do you have some sort of vendetta against this woman? Fight it out I say?"
"Round and round, carousel has got you under it's spell" "How does it feel?"
"I'ts lovely"
"Write me something"
"I'll do it later"

---------------------------

Dios.

I close my eyes too much

2006-08-16T20:39:00.000-09:30

Anyway, I've started to read another book"The Years with Laura Diaz" by Carlos Fuentes, and I like it a lot, it combines the story of Laura Diaz with the story of Mexico mainly the political culture that is Mexico. It also gives some insight at least the one that people are too afraid to say about social classes in Mexico, at least when dealing with the ethnic makeup of the country's high class society. Funny how we seem to drape ourselves in false ideals like disregarding the colour of skin in favor of unity and we are all the same- Mestizos. Of course most of my family disagrees with this, all of them deny any sort of discrimination, a result of the message we've been hearing for centuries, la raza. etc. But about the book, I love the descriptions that Fuentes uses and I'd be ten times happier if I had found the book in it's native language of Spanish, Im sure the diction would be richer and of course more familiar, closer to my heart.

------------------------------------------------

I hate the sluts that Oprah brings to her show, "I don't feel pretty enough so I have sex with boys so they'll like me." wtf? I blame it on their mothers, and the possibility that maybe they're mentally ill. That and the therapist they have on the show, resembles a monkey.

Exquise

2006-08-15T19:19:00.000-09:30

La douceur de tes lèvres et la beauté de ton sourire

Chanson d'automne

Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'automne
Blessent mon coeur
D'une langueur
Monotone.
Tout suffoquant
Et blême quand
Sonne l'heure,
Je me souviens
Des jours anciens
Et je pleure;
Et je m'en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m'emporte
Deçà, de1à
Pareil à la
Feuille morte.

-Verlaine

C'est vrais.

...

2006-08-08T17:22:00.000-09:30

Well, there might be a trip coming up very soon, hopefully I can do it and cool stuff may happen. Delightful, serene, hectic, exciting stuff.

My farmer's tan is less noticable, partly due because I have gotten more tanned and it sort of evened out the contrast of melanin in my arms. Haha, a picture of me au naturel would be funny, especially in the lower extremeties.

I rediscovered the joy of ironing, especially when wearing only underwear.

Every day I get to look at this fish, I don't even know what his name is, actually I don't even know if it is a he or she, calling it he sounds right. He has been here for almost a year I think, his colour is red, he's a beta fish, and he has no owner. I hate him. He has been abandoned by his owner, and Im left to look at him every day, feeling guilty that there's no one to feed him, so even though I don't like him I give in to feeding that poor soul. One time I even cleaned his fish tank, a task I strongly dislike. And even though I may say I wish he was dead, every time I get near his tank I can't utter the words, so he benefits of my pity and consciense, and lives a day longer.

I noticed that sexual innuendos and double entendres are more common with age, I hear/say them everywhere, and I find it funny since we tend to be so prudish about sex. Even uttering it is like saying some forbidden word, or sometimes even dirty. It's funny how I used to be so conservative about it, haha. Now, I joke about it all the time, haha, see just now I did.

Sigh.

p.s. I hate the clock.

Ouch

2006-08-01T06:50:00.000-09:30

My shins are full of bruises, and I have mosquito bites everywhere, now I can say "Im a real man!" hahaha.

I read something on sleep paralysis, and apparently the symptoms are universal- paralysis of course, the feeling that there's a person in the room, pressure on the chest, and in some extreme cases false memories mainly those concerning alien abduction. It's caused by the brain and body momentarily disinchronizing, the brain is coming out of REM sleep but it's still semi-conscious and the body acts like it's on REM thus making it imobile, so you get this horrible feeling that you can't move, you're aware of the room you're in, but think that there's someone in the room trying to harm you. Weird.

Anyhoo, very soon I shall be surrounded by water and hopefully enough chlorine to keep the bad stuff from harming my intestines.

I dont have a title for this one

2006-07-26T21:13:00.000-09:30

I recently saw a show sometime earlier this week, it was some sort of Latin Youth Music Awards, and you see, it wouldn't be that bad if only they didn't scream everytime they announced someone on stage, or if the winners didn't scream either. It's pretty annoying.

Anyhow, I've started reading this book, "Shake hands with the devil," by Lt. Gn. Romeo Dallaire, the UN general in charge of the peacekeeping troops back in the Rwandan genocide of 1994, and I'm pretty dissappinted in my naivete, concerning the high regard I had/have for the UN. You see, while it is important and effective, it's filled with red tape whenever there isn't much enthusiasm and interest in certain missions, in particular when dealing with Africa. Gn. Dallaire tells that whenever they ordered flashlights, they would also have to order lightbulbs, which seems ridiculous since you don't really have any use for a flashlight if you don't have a lightbulb. But even before he starts his operations in Rwanda, just planning it seems impossible. To assess the situation in Rwanda he needed guides, jeeps, civilian operators, he doesnt even get paper and pencils! And one of the most important things, a fucking map of the country! Anyhoo, this man Gn. Dallaire is so cool, you should really read this book, I think you'll like it.

I had a funny conversation with my father, I was telling him about white people, or I think I said white people, and he frowned and said that talking about people in races, haha, then I told him "but everyone does it, well at least here, now." He said it was quite vulgar to talk like that, and then today, in the great house of diversions, the topic of the conversation was about asian girls marrying and dating white guys. And I think my father might be right. So at least for these last few days, I shall try to stop.

I have four days

2006-07-20T13:07:00.000-09:30

Four days to make the magic happen, otherwise I'm screwed.

---------

Quien es Juan Manuel Serrat?

2006-07-14T20:07:00.000-09:30

I guarantee you'll like him, he's the only musical poet I really love so you should like it too, feedback later.

Anyhoo, today was somewhat of a tiring day, especially with the stress of "fuck what do I do now?" haha. And, mind this small thought, I know some of you enjoy and give physical comfort to friends, I sometimes are like that but it's more reserved to certain people, haha, and well in a hug. I don't really like people touching me if we're not good friends. It really makes me uncomfortable, especially if they tend to smell like rancid axilla and of thesame sex. You see recently I have encountered such unwanted touching, I feel like I'm being violated. Also I don't like it because one we are in front of other people; two I don't really know this person; and three that's just wrong if once again I don't know the person well enough. You see, if I touch you and I don't mind you touching me you should feel really special, because then you know we're really good friends/lovers. Even with my family I don't like them touching or kissing me. hahaha. To some this might seem weird, but I assure you it's perfectly normal.

Miscellanous

Tuna Salad Sandwich: (serve chilled)
Tuna canned in water not oil
Finely chopped tomatos,carrots, avocado, serrano peppers, lettuce
Half part mayonaisse and half part sour cream
Salt and pepper
Unsalted crackers

Placido Domingo "Alma Latina vol. 2":
Oh how cruel the world is! Can you imagine I lost this cd, I have no idea where it is, and it's driving me crazy! It's such a great copilation of classic old school latin songs, especially because the great tenor Sr. Domingo sings all of them, he even throws in a brazillian tune! I'm very sad about this.

Texas Ranch House:
Hmm, it was defentely better than one of the previous series Manor House, quite frankly I don't really want to see fake rich people in the Victorian era, I would rather go watch a movie, at least it's more entertaining. On to the ranch house, it was filmed in texas, ten men are cowboys and then they have the ranch owner and his family, the Cooks. What a sorry group of white lazy people, the family I mean, they didn't tend to the garden which would've been preposterous back then given that there was no grocery store nearby and you could actually trade vegetables for other goods; the family had four daughters! Bitchy, lazy, white, spoiled girls; the mother was so easy to hate she obviously called all the shots and what a wimpy husband. Oh and hahaha, they had a jewish girl as a maid, trying to be a cowboy, I thought the whole point of series like these was to try to keep everything as genuine as possible! No way is the maid going to become a cowboy, boo! And when they captured Jared, the ranch owner Mr Cook, wouldn't negotiate with the Indian tribe because "we don't deal with terrorists" fuck you mr cook! I really love how racist the mrs cook is, when refering to the Indian cowboys they met. But they had a great ending, the cowboys ended up quiting after mr cook called Jared a "horse thief" and the ranch people were left without people to start the winter with. Too bad they didn't get to hear the evaluation face to face with the historical experts (they had a prof. from TTU) I would've loved to see the rancher's reaction.

Good night

I am Link

2006-07-12T20:16:00.000-09:30

I've been playing zelda for quite some time now, and although the game is good, because that's a guarantee with zelda games, it's not as pretty as the previous one. It's darker too, Majora's mask, there's no real happy place where Link can go and run around, unless you count the Clock town, and that sucks because there's no trees, and I still haven't gotten Epona so I can't really ride around Termina Field.

Random things remind me of zelda,
like when we play soccer and I'm in a field with trees,
the sunset,
when someone said "I saw a giant clam" I thought of a hookshot,
shrubs,
shuddering at the cold,
not being able to climb a wall,
and well there's more but I'm feeling lazy so i won't write what they are.

Pirates was better than I expected, and mind you I expected a really bad sequel, so I wasn't really dissappointed in it. Secretely thou, I kinda wanted to see "the devil wears prada," but only because they have cool clothes in the movie, and because Meryl Streep rocks. Which reminds me of another movie I recently saw, Unbreakable, written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, what a terrible movie, this whole thing of making weird movies and having a somewhat simplistic ending is getting old and annoying. He should've stopped with the Sixth Sense, and btw have you noticed that he always appears on his movies? I'm sure if he wasn't so ugly he could get more screentime.

p.s. fuck that clock!

Sigh

2006-07-10T17:49:00.000-09:30

I didn't think I minded being alone so much, until today. After five wasted hours of faking smiles, pretending to like people, and also that the obscene woman making fun of my chuck taylor's didn't bother me, I had hoped to see my father, meet for our usual coffee date, and talk. It surprises me now, how much we really talk, and talk about anything. Early in the summer I was shy to order every time we went to IHOP so we usually just had coffee, and read the paper, we did that so much that a waitress made fun of us when I ordered a chocolate sundae and a coffee. Once, I ordered a cup of coffee for my father, and nothing else, not even a water, then he came and started drinking the coffee, the waitress came to see if we wanted another one and I don't know why my daddy said "no it's ok, I'm drinking hers" because, then the waitress got this really funny look on her face, and I bet she thought we shared that cup of coffee. Hahahaha.

Whenever the friends and I go out to eat we always leave right after, we never really enjoy the meal, I always find that disappointing, especially if we really don't have anywhere else to go. But I suppose I have an old taste, combined with growing up latin, where meals are four hours long excluding coffee, and talk ranges in everything. That's the one thing I loved about the four of us, actually of my parents, they educated me very well, in the cultural sense.

On to something less painful, today I had a very good soccer talk, and it was great because S knew all the players I named, and I of course reciprocated the coolness. I think everyone except the fake wannabe "italian descendants" agree that France played much better, and committed less fouls than those fucking italians. They may be hawt, but sheesh. They go to kill, not for the ball, that kind of play is so anti-futbol, and the stupid referee obviously favored them. Especially since he's from argentina, another team that plays dirty, and when I say dirty I mean to actually hurt and disable the players on the opposing team, booo!

p.s.
The pictures look beautiful, GT, who would have thought, of all places in Spain? haha, jk jk.

oh brother

2006-06-28T21:20:00.000-09:30

Sigh.

So there is this man, this old old man, that looks like santa claus. He has a beard that is white, and his hair is also white. He smells like old man cologne, and he wears a ring of some sort on his finger besides the wedding band. He has well trimmed nails, but look! on one of them, there is fungus. He has fungus on one of his nails, and it is disgusting. Most untastefull I should say. And you see, normally I would just say "this is an old man, he is therefore bored, he is working at ____, and he does nothing, but alas I shall live with it." How wrong was I, I cannot seem to stand him. And how is one supposed to express intense dislike without being rude? Is that even possible?
"hello el-sa"
"...hello"
"my middle name is ____(some fucking white stupid name)"
"...wow, that's interesting"
"el-sa, tell me, what is your middle name?"
" (die! you stupid old man) i don't have one"
"yes you do, what is it?"
"(fuck you old piece of shit) i don't have one"
"i'm going to find out"
"(you fucking creepy old man) i don't have one"

so santa leaves and goes to his corner, then he comes back and we have the same conversation. And look, there he comes again,

"i didn't know you speak spanish!"
"yes,i do"
"i wish i knew spanish"
"(im sure you do, you fucking old fucking man)i'm sure eveyone does"
"back in the day, when i was little, i took classes with the latin kids"
"(wtf?! seriously, is this guy being a racist?) oh?"
"yes, but i never learned, it was hard"
"(i'm sure it was cuz you're stupid) well, i took classes with some anglo people once, actually a lot of the time, because you see, my school was nearly all white"
"..."

the old man slams his hand in the counter, we have the same conversation about my middle name.

-------------------------------------------------------There is an middle aged obscene black woman, she is fom lousianna, ironically she walks like a monkey, she is loud and rude, she has a son, which usually means he barely graduated and is now a punk, she is a jehova's the kind of fake Christian that yells sinner and relies on faulty information from their "bible." And let me tell you, I don't mean to be racist but this woman fits the stereoptype of a mad black lazy woman, that of course eats fried chicken and paints her amazingly long nails bright pink. She has a very loud and obnoxious voice, and when she says
"ask her something" she instead says "ax her som'thin."

Is it wrong to want to clean the genepool?

p.s. cover your eyes bitches

boo!

2006-06-23T22:00:00.000-09:30

Today I wasted a considerable amount of time reading an especially awful book, and I say awful because the reviews on it are misleading, exceptionally misleading. I should be more weary of the criticsm in amazon.com, but then again where is one supposed to find reviews? I suppose my first instincts were correct, such websites are for the plebs, and today I curse you pleb but I blame my boredom and the lack of selection at the bookstore next to OD.

On "The Time traveller's wife"
It was supposed to be about this great love between two people, but it left me with the unsettling feeling that Henry was some sort of "molester" and of the children if you know what I mean. The time paradox didn't have a very good explanation, there were too many glitches if you will to it. Diction wasn't too hot, the book could've used 200 less pages really.

On "The Kite Runner"
For a first attempt it was a very good one, although I have to say it's extremely tragic, to the point that sensitive souls are warned "don't read this book if you cry easily" Actually, even I was on the verge of tears on some of the passages in the book, but perhaps that was because I found some of Amir's personality in my own, and sheesh how could that not make you cry? It's very nicely told, but we could do without a lot of farci words, or at least a brief explanation, I think if you're uncultured you wouldn't know what "naanz" or "kabob" are. The ending might be a little meh, but I think I have to say this again, what a sad sad book. It's a fast read mainly because you won't "want to put it down."

On "Did you ever know that you're my hero?" sung by Bette Midler.
Another sad song, mainly because if someone sings it to you and you know you're not humble/good enough of for it, it tears you're heart apart. I wish I could live up to it, but I'm not.

I think this leads me to some sort of conclusion, I need to strive to be more unselfish, deserving of the love I have. It's not a very good feeling discovering that you're not all you thought you were, that deep inside you don't even come close to it. I want to sincerely say to someone "for you, a thousand times over." say it and meant it with all my soul.

p.s. this is just for moi.

p.s.s. ok one more thing:

On National Geographic's "World Soccer" article.
La la, I suppose it's enough for American fans, those around the world will want more, at least more of what soccer really is, pure passion, a beautiful sport, perhaps an interview with Ronaldhino? And gosh, enough with the saying "this month the riots, and racism will be left out of soccer", who the fuck cares about what a handful of hicks in italy or argentina do or say? They make it sound like it happens all the time for goodness sakes.

On Andrea Bocelli's Amore album.
What a great collection of romantic classics, it's great to know that Manzanero's ballads are rediscovered in this album, that and those great tunes that latin people know everywhere, if you listen to the album you'll know what I talk about, especially if you're parents, grandparents, etc know the words to them.

On Ayn Rand's "Anthem"
My father was right, I don't like this book anymore, it's extreme in it's language and just another piece of propaganda for the other side. It's a nice book, but like I said way too extreme.

Teehee

2006-05-26T17:37:00.000-09:30

I got sixty-four percent, now that I think about it, that's a pretty good score. Actually that's a great score. nevermind the silly laugh on the top of this page. http://www.amphibious.org/~tracy/rice100.html

Instead let me tell you a story, about a dream I had.
I was on a boat, some sort of yatch. The sea was calm, I felt like having a drink so I saw a baker standing on the roof of the yatch, I yelled at him "can I have a drink?!!!!!" The baker looked like someone I knew, so I didn't think anything when I yelled for a drink. But instead of being nice, the baker looked at me weird and handed me bread. For some reason it made me really mad and I jumped off the boat. But I didnt land on water I landed on a couch, that was filled with water, and when I landed the couch the couch broke and water splashed everywhere, I think it reminded me of that time, when I was little and I used to do stupid things, even thou I knew the outcome was going to be bad. I still get that feeling, where I get all nervous and concentrated, I start perspiring, and when Im done, if it goes well I my body sighs, if it went bad, the blood rushes in my face and I stare blankly at the result.

p.s. that stupid clock! why does it keep changing?!

Familiar is good

2006-05-21T01:57:00.000-09:30

So like I said before, it's a good sign if something you enjoy feels familiar, but of course, there's nothing wrong with becoming a pioneer of certain aspects, right?

p.s.
no debi de haber tomado

p.s. smuck, this freaking clock keeps giving the wrong fucking time, gfhsdlksjif

Ni Dios lo quiera

2006-05-16T18:37:00.000-09:30

I think nightmares are rare, at least for a person like me that remembers every single dream. But I do have to say, that when they do occur, and I happen to remember them, I wish whole-heartedly that I didn't. ------------- I went to visit Chris at his new house, and we were playing video games, when his mom called that the shrimp were ready. She had battered and fried giant shrimp, and we ran downstairs to eat. I had a cookie in a napkin from earlier that I hadn't finished, so I tried to eat it but I could hardly finish it. Chris offered me a shrimp and I took it, his mom seemed very happy at having finished cooking them, and even thou they smelled delicious I was really full from the cookie and felt sick. We sat in high chairs and watched tv, trash tv was on. The show was sort of like Jerry, but minus the cursing and fighting, it was a collection of freak accidents and reconstructive surgery patients. For some reason my sister was there too, and she stood really close to me, I think she was scared of the show. There were three ladies, one of them was in a wheelchair, her face was very strange looking, it was scary, she had a dark dress on, a brown hat, and her front teeth were missing. The second lady had a flowery dress on, she was black I think, and there was something wrong with her face too but I couldn't tell what, the host asked her if she was comfortable and she said "no, not really, look at me, I have to move so I don't pee all over here." She stood and took hold of the arms of the chair, and moved away from the other lady, then she grabbed something infront of her, it was a foreign appendage but it was attached to her, I think the caption under her name said that it held her bladder and intestines, it was quite disgusting. The third lady was about to speak but I turned away, my sister was looking at me and she seemed younger than what she is today, I put my arm around her and hugged her, "they look like...its like its a.." and she finished my sentence "like a freak show lc"
The light from the windows was very bright, I closed my eyes and found myself in the front seat of a car, next to a boy about sixteen, he had a shaved head and wore fake "bling." I had the feeling of a deja vu, I remembered being in the car, and then crashing at an intersection. We were driving under a highway bridge, and he kept falling asleep. I had to keep waking him up, "Marcus! marcus wake up man!" he would nod and open his eyes while his head was still drooping, and drift back to sleep, I had no idea how someone could drive like that, so I tried putting my head down and just opening my eyes to see if he could even see the road. And then we were at an intersection, I didn't have time to lift my head or brace for impact, all I heard was the impact of the cars, the screeching of tires, the heavy breathing of fear, and the voice in my head that said, "I think that's how one of the ladies ended up in the show"

Whee!

2006-05-05T16:33:00.000-09:30

Accent: I would say refined, haha, but Im not sure some people say I have some trace of english in there, others say its nice, others say they like how I talk, especially when I say rock, teehee. But I would definetely say that I do have one when Im under pressure I tend to sound like an immigrant. haha

Booze: Hmm anything other than beer, except the new beer specially made for the world cup, its german and called "GOAAAL!" , I do have to say like a true mexican I enjoy tequila.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning pots.

Dog or Cat: Dog of course! I love dogs, except for pitt bulls and some pug-like dogs. I do confess that I have loved one and only one cat, her name was Polenka, she had white fur, blue eyes, and a gentle disposition. She wasnt a cat but in fact a dog in the body of a cat, she was lovely and Im still overwhelmed with grief when I think of what became of her. I love that cat.

Essential Electronics: computer, it has everything in it.

Favorite Cologne(s): belara by mary kay, maybe carolina herrera I forget the name of it but it smells nice. and my mom's perfume but its for old ladies.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: Katy, TX

Insomnia: yes, it plagues me from time to time, but its my fault so its all good.

Job Title: administrative assistant, sales clerk

Kids: I was thinking of having one, and preferably a boy. But I wouldnt have two, three would do it, maybe i'll have one and adopt the other two. My thinking is that the first one would be the bomb for us, the second one exciting because he would be adopted, and the third one well, the yougest and the best one because "we" the parents (thats including me and my future husband) would have learned to be good parents by the third one.

Living arrangements: you mean like with a roomie?

Most admirable trait: I dunno, my somewhat victorian way of thinking. it sounds narcissistic to answer this one.

Number of sexual partners: hahaha none yet. haha j/k. zero.

Overnight hospital stays: zero.

Phobias: phalanges of lower extremeties, rape, house break in, doritos

Quote: "shut up" "all things considered, I think I should say yes, ok?" "seriously" There's others but I cant remember

Religion: Roman Catholic

Siblings: a younger sister

Time I wake up: it varies but if I could I wouldn't wake up till one pm or so

Unusual talent or skill: I can read minds, and make most people laugh.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: that white stuff that looks like brocoli

Worst habit: procastination, well Ill be true and say my laziness

X-rays: teeth, chest, spinal cord, head

Yummy foods I make: enchiladas, hot dog sandwhiches with a special spicy sauce, empanadas, breaded chicken, chicken teriyaki, oh oh oh TRES LECHES. thats right, I can make that cake, and its good, im so serious.

Zodiac sign: aries, but I have to say I dont think Im very aries-like.

p.s. Last non-dream related post. I think.
and wow, I sound so plebian.

Can you imagine?!

2006-05-01T20:01:00.000-09:30

It was one of those family outings, all four of us were in the car, our suitcases were in the trunk and candy littered the floor. I remember once my sister and I almost ate the a whole big bag of skittles, and mind you this bag of skittles had only the yummy flavors - no ill tasting yellow and green ones, only the red, purple, pink, and light pink ones. The sun was setting, and there was a pleasant humid breeze, the sky was a little pink with a few clouds. We arrived at the hotel, I think we were in some place like san antonio, we were going to unpack, and as always I walked off to see what I could find. I saw my old bike, it was the coolest bike I have ever owned, old-school, blue, with this really cool seat that was white and had a blue, yellow, red, and green stripes in the wider end, the handle was a soft sloping and wide "u", but the best part of it was the break system. You didn't have to push any silly handles, all you had to do was pedal backwards - it always felt so cool to brake for some reason, man that was a cool bike!
But Im digressing, as I said, I saw my old bike and started riding it next to the car doing circles and such, until I dared to go farther and reached a gate, I pushed it open and look what I found! Hills, small hills I suppose, green like the green that comes in the colouring pencils, a light bright green, (the one that I always used to draw grass) and it was like heaven. I felt like the kid I was in the dream, all this open sloping place to myself, so I started pedalling, going faster, up and down the hills, all the way across to this small island of dark green trees, and then towards this open place in a wall. The wall was short, and almost like the colour of sand. I was about to get off my bike when this lion came through the opening of the wall, I was kind of scared but more taken aback, so I started pedaling away from the lion. I dont think the lion wanted to harm me, I think he actually wanted to play chase, so I started to play with the lion. I remember thinking, "my daddy's going to laugh when I tell him," and "dang, my mom isn't going to let me ride bike anymore" and laughing out loud at the thought that if my sister were there, she would probably start screaming. teehee.

Run

2006-04-30T21:06:00.000-09:30

The air was cold, there was no humidity, the sun gave warmth, it was cold under the shades. I was in a park, there were tall trees with long drooping branches, the leaves were green, the ground was littered with fallen leaves, branches, and yellow wild flowers. The park was in some sort of valley, and before entering it you could walk in the high ground and admire the nature. I was running, but I couldnt see myself, I could feel the cold air go through my nose and into my lungs, I had my running legs of the past, I wasnt going very fast because it sort of felt like a slow motion movie scene, I glanced at the sky and found that the branches obscured the sky and I could only see it in light blue patches here and there. I ran to the upper level and found my parents. They were dressed in winter clothes and smiled. We got in the car and they drove while I dozed off in the back. Then we reached another park, and the temperature dropped, clouds filled the sky, the trees had gone brown and the leaves dry. I was in some sort of competition, and apparently I was fairly capable because I felt at ease, "pace yourself, start out slow like always, final three hundred you can start to move, and then let go."
There were other runners, adults and old teenagers like us, we had to take an open elevator and some sort of ride to the park, the medals were just red pieces of string and they hung in one corner of the elevator. We were set lose, and this time the trail was filled with dried dirt and leaves, you could hear the crunching sound with every step. The race never really started with the horde of runners rather I found myself running alone most of the time, but I did feel like I was gradually moving up even if I couldnt see people, it was more like feeling their presence. Back in junior high I started with a moderate pace and gradually left people behind, and in the last meters of the mile I sprinted, it felt like that. I wasnt tired, I was enjoying literally every step, I liked breathing the cold air and my body temperature was warm enough that I got to the point where I couldnt feel the cold anymore. I passed a small bridge that had very dark water underneath it, it looked almost black. I came to a small drop off in the trail and skidded down, leaves were flying everywhere. It gave me momentum and a rush of energy and I would've kept going but I spotted a black metal fence on my right, I was close to it so I opened it, the flora changed to where there were tall and green pine trees along a trail of english grass that lead to a giant wall covered in dark green moss. I could see a smaller gate so I ran towards it, once I was close enough to the wall I ran my hand along the side of it. It felt so real. I stepped infront of the gate to get a look and noticed that the air felt lighter, there vast green plains and the sky was a deep blue. It was very beautiful but I had to leave so I tore some of the moss from the wall and ran back to the trail.

(sorry too lazy to edit)

Here we go

2006-04-25T20:24:00.000-09:30

Mon Dieu,
can you belive a year is already gone?

I hope summer isn't too lonely or repetitive.

-----

for some reason this reminds of something that went a little like this:
"good morning tee-chair!"
"hallo!"
"my head feels like"
"its going to explode"
"my eyes, I... "
"can hardly open them, the light, its too much!"
"my throat"
"like the summer in the plains of texas, needing of H2O"
"my stomach!"
"it...oh non, please dont!"
"hahaha, gotcha!"
"....... hahaha"
"good morning!"

jgmdmsm

et bien

2006-04-23T18:59:00.000-09:30

que vas a tocar?

ven. escucha.

sentado, con la espalda muy derecha empiezas a tocar, como siempre me recargo junto al lado del piano. la musica empieza a llenar el salon. la poca gente que pasa no se detiene, son extranos a este momento. tocar para alguien siempre es dificil, especialmente si la consideras como alguien importante para ti. alguna vez lo dijiste. pero eso ya es del pasado, tocar asi y aqui ahora es natural. esta pieza lleva recuerdos de madrugadas como estas, en donde escucharte me lleva a sonreir, me atrae mas a ti, no se porque pero te hace parecer mas guapo, me recuerda porque decidi darte el si, y me lleva a darte algo un poco fuera de mi caracter, que aun con teniendote y estando segura de lo que tenemos, aun con todo este tiempo me da un poco de miedo demostrar afecto espontaneo. pero hoy, a las quiensabe que horas del amanecer, me desprendo del lado del piano, y antes de que la pieza acabe, arreglo un mechon de tu cabello, y sin ninguna razon mas que demostrarte afecto, mis labios tocan tu cuello.
te siento sonreir y repozas tu cabeza junto a la mia.
y en momentos que la pieza empieza a requerir mas de tus manos me contento con sentarme en el sofa, y dejar pasar el tiempo.

y la pieza sigue. llenando horas, dias, meses, realmente no ha terminado, la escuchas?

Four Strangers

2006-04-07T13:29:00.000-09:30

Monday:
Military patriot, married wife who amazingly was also in the military, firm believer of our saviour George Bush, two sons one five years old the other will be here in two weeks, had a daughter but sadly she "decided to go back to papa God, didn't want to stick around I guess." Anti-immigration, hard worker, loves women, loves women so much his wife is insanely jealous from time to time, drives a 1956 Cadillac something, plates from California, born and raised in San Diego, dreams of owning an acre in the outskirts of Houston.

Tuesday:
Policeman, apprehensive about children left without their parents, exclusive to Richmond, generous with money, does not know how to navigate a phone book, two daughters, wants them in college preferably Texas A&M, drives a four door black truck with leather seats, his gun is on the passenger side, he likes to dry clean his clothes, his wife thinks its too expensive, also has a fancy for Jack in the Box 99 cent tacos.

Thursday:
Middle aged woman, lost one hundred pounds and the nickname "miss whale," two sons, smokes at home and in her car but surprisingly she and the house and the car do not smell like smoke, has perfect neon white teeth, blond hair and an amazing tan, wants to work in her own dentist office, has been known to wear cowboy boots, the cell phone is premonitory attached to her ear.

Friday:
New Orleans refugee, his wife shops all the time, his two front top teeth are framed in gold which leads him to suck saliva and air through those teeth, likes R&B, wonders why Houston doesn't have a metro-rail, wonders why Houston doesn't have a more effective bus system, has the lazy drawl of a Louisiana native, wants to go back but can't, he also likes to wear black nike sneakers with his favorite pair of ankle length black socks.

Is this strange?

2006-04-02T14:05:00.000-09:30

This is I suppose a sort of introduction or preview I gave of my xanga/myself two years ago:

Hello ppl, ok i am interested in lots of things which include psychiatry, art, social issues, politics, international soccer like the world cup & such, HP fanfics (cassie claire), medicine, God, friends, & having a good laugh. :) have a nice day

For some reason looking at the word God being included is strange...Also the fact that I cant figure out if I have evolved or stayed the same, in particular to that word and concept. Aside from that I think Im nicer on paper than in actual life, what do you think? Everything else Im cool with, how can interest change, unless you see the light and realise that republicans suck.

Hmmm

2006-04-02T01:34:00.000-09:30

Perhaps its because I miss weishan or maybe its because I have some issues with the fact that we are all too scared to stand up for her, but in any case, Weishan I had a dream and you were in it.

I was sort of excited but feeling more nervous, we were going to some sort of orchestra trip I think, and for some reason instead of meeting at the old school of ours, we were being individually picked up. I was worried that my laundry wouldnt finish drying in time to pack at the last minute, and my father was in his office finishing something for work. Strangely I walked around the house in my underwear and a white t shirt. It was very early in the morning, almost dawn, the sun was begginig to rise, and it was pleasently humid outside, there was dew in the grass. I had to take a shower before leaving, so I was pressed for time, the light inside was very artificial, white light. My sister had left the stereo next to the shower, as she usually likes to listen to it while showering, and I didnt notice until sparks and smoke were visible through the shower curtain. I was scared and ran to my father, "La casa se esta quemandoooo!" i said, and then it stopped. My sister somehow pulled the radio out of the water and everything seemed alright. However I had no time for a shower, and instead walked outside to the sound of a bus, Mai and Weishan were outside, I called out their names and we had a little reunion of usual "i havent seen you in so long" and of course a rather suffocating but nonetheless affectionate hug from Mai. Joy took over and we started prancing around in the grass, jumping really high, it felt like almost two feet at times. We were laughing and holding hands, strangely no one including myself cared that I was still in my panties and barefoot.

Whoa

2006-02-22T15:58:00.000-09:30

chacawuawua

I think I must be more absentminded than what I had previously thought. Today I find a note, ordinary very simple really, I read it with no problem until the end. " - Britt" Who is this britt? I find myself thinking, revicing my memory files, my brow furrows, still I cant recall a brittney or a britt; then I start saying her name, perhaps saying it will bring some memory of her, its like a movie flashing in my head every scene I can recall of knowing of or meeting a brittney, and then suddenly, I see a friend, hear her voice, "this is my friend britt.." and the scene forwards to this person's face, that's her, now I remember her unusual way of walking and her almost irritating habit of always chewing gum.
I think Im getting Alzheimer's or at least, let me say this, temporary amnesia is very confusing, it sort of feels like not knowing where you are.